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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

I’m professionally employed and personally unhinged. Balance.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

We went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

9-5 is really 10-2 if you’re working remote.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Everyone’s gangster until they use a pen that is satisfyingly smooth and fun to write with.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Girlhood is sitting down in a boiling hot shower instead of dealing with life.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

I think we just need to accept that the 90’s was our peak as a species.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Europeans read a lot because their television shows suck.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

It’s so hot here, I’m breaking a sweat just bitching and moaning about it.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,454

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on TikTok:

My mom always used to tell me that I look cute when I sleep. My boss has a different opinion.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Going out with 38% battery and no boyfriend.

Making waves on Instagram:

My wife has a weird habit of starting conversations by saying, “Are you even listening to me?”

Trending via Facebook:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not exhausted, you’re just awake. Have a nice day.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

Spotted on TikTok:

Everyone’s “the nicest guy ever” until the cops are in their backyard digging up several bodies.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

Breaking via Discord:

If you’re partying with your cousin and you’re asked if you’re related, “Our parents are siblings” will cause a lot of confusion.

Going bananas on WeChat:

I don’t understand my wardrobe. It’s full, but I don’t have clothes.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.

185 Funny change quotes

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Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on Reddit this month:

Touched a tree and accidentally absorbed 400 years of wisdom and 2 squirrel secrets.

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

Do goalies ever get lonely during a game?

60 shares on Slack this month:

Crazy how people can merge perfectly at McDonald’s, but not on the highway.

23 shares on Snapchat this month:

My friends have canceled our dinner plans two nights in a row. I’m starting to think they don’t like dinner.

69 shares on Discord this month:

When you decorate your whole house for Christmas, what you’re really saying is “I’m not going to dust for at least a month.”

68 shares on Messenger this month:

I love all the Winter Olympic events, sliding downhill on a piece of wood, sliding downhill on two pieces of wood, sliding downhill in a piece of wood. All amazing.

43 shares on Telegram this month:

People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

69 shares on Twitch this month:

Somewhere there’s a girl ignoring 15 guys for a guy who gives her no attention.

41 shares on TikTok this month:

The devil couldn’t reach me, so he made sure that the love I give is never reciprocated.

95 shares on Twitch this month:

I tried to act normal once, worst five minutes of my life.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

A thing I never realized about being an adult is that you will always be cleaning your kitchen. No matter if you get takeout, no matter if you’re gone all day, you will be cleaning the kitchen.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Summer body? Folks, I’m cosplaying as a potato that’s seen some things.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

America is like that TV show that’s been on for too long, and the writers don’t know what to do, so they just make anything happen.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self-righteous, and wanting to go home.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

When my sister drives, I am NOT passenger princess, I am a survivor.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Study so hard until Dior is like Shein to you.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t donate your plasma. It’s a big scam, and they’re just using it to make TVs.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Booked an escape room but just to get away from everyone. No plans of escaping.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,691

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

I think God was high when he made me.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

If anime hair were real, there would be so much color dysmorphia. Like, imagine getting brown. I would be so pissed.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

My DNA came back saying I come from a wide selection of cheeses.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

I am thick and tired.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

We all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics).

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

This year has gone by so quick. Christmas is basically tomorrow.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

My favorite hobby is withering away.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Just so you know, what you now call an energy bar is what my father gave the canary.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Breaking via Messenger:

Coffee is better when you have no work.

Just shared via Discord:

Every retail employee should get to hit one customer a year and there is no way for customers to tell if they’ve used it yet.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Okay, new plan, I’m going to marry a Kardashian.

Making waves on Slack:

No HR complaint formed against me shall prosper.

Breaking via Discord:

When people don’t drink coffee, it’s like, okay, but how do you solve the problem of being awake?

Trending via Reddit:

I feel bad for those that don’t enjoy their own company. I be having a ball by myself.

Seen just now on X:

Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.

Spotted on Reddit:

I’m at the age where living in the woods and arguing with a raccoon sounds like a peaceful retirement plan.

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