28 Funny cut quotes

• After hearing that I have too many books and too many bookshelves, I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to.

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  3 weeks ago

  advice, after, amount, back, book, books, bookshelf, cut, decision, hearing, humor, i, listen, listening, people, reading, too

• To cut a long story short, I became a film editor.

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  2 months ago

  career, cut, editing, editor, film, film editor, humor, i, pun, short, short story, story, storytelling

• Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

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  2 months ago

  adventure, chaotic, chaotic morning, coffee, craving, cut, exaggerated, exaggerated craving, humor, i, machete, maniac, morning, need, relief, stress, stress relief, through, today, woods

• Humans are the only species that would cut down trees, make paper out of them, and then write “Save the Trees” on it.

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  2 months ago

  conservation, cut, ecological, environment, humans, humor, irony, nature, only, paper, paradox, sarcasm, save, trees

• To cut the long story short, I have spent all my money.

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  2 months ago

  comedy, cut, financial, financial situation, humor, i, joke, money, short, situation, spent, story, storytelling

• “You’re so quick to cut someone off!” God forbid a girl actually has self-respect.

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  2 months ago

  actually, cut, cut off, girl, God, humor, quick, relationships, self-respect, someone

• Is there a bravery award I can nominate my son for as he managed to eat his toast despite the fact I cut it wrong.

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  2 months ago

  achievement, award, bravery, cut, eat, fact, food, humor, i, parenting, son, struggle, toast

• How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

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  2 months ago

  after, apple, brown, cut, humor, joke, mind, never, question, take, time, turn

• What if babies had two umbilical cords and if you cut the wrong one, it exploded?

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  2 months ago

  absurdity, baby, cord, cords, cut, exploded, explosion, funny scenario, humor, imagination, scenario, umbilical, umbilical cord, wrong

• They are mad because you took that knife out of your back and used it to cut ties.

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  2 months ago

  back, betrayal, cut, humor, knife, mad, relationships, ty, used

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