589 Funny day quotes

• Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

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  2 months ago

  amount, boss, day, five, give, high, high five, humor, humorous, humorous quote, i, job, joke, motivation, motivational, motivational prank, office, office humor, prank, workplace, workplace joke

• I’ve done literally nothing all day, except feel guilty about doing nothing all day.

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  2 months ago

  day, doing, done, except, feel, guilt, guilty, humor, inactivity, laziness, nothing, procrastination, self-awareness

• Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.

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  2 months ago

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• My mom asked me where I’m taking her to eat on Mother’s Day. I told her we have food at home.

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  2 months ago

  asked, day, eat, family, food, holiday, home, humor, i, joke, me, meal, mom, mother, relationship, sarcasm, taking, told, where

• If “live each day as if it’s your last” means being paralyzed with anxiety and a sense of impending doom, then I am absolutely nailing it.

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  2 months ago

  absolutely, am, anxiety, being, dark, dark humor, day, death, doom, existential, existential humor, health, humor, humor about death, i, last, live, means, mental, mental health, procrastination, sarcasm, self-deprecating, sense

• I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

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  2 months ago

  day, family, gift, humor, i, joke, kid, mother’s, Mother’s Day, parenting, something, special, threat

• My family asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day, so I packed their bags and changed the locks.

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  2 months ago

  asked, bags, day, family, family joke, humor, humorist, i, joke, lock, locks, me, mother’s, Mother’s Day, packing, prank, wanted

• Still can’t believe we have a federal holiday to celebrate the 1996 hit movie Independence Day.

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  2 months ago

  1996, 1996 movie, believe, celebrate, celebration, comedy, culture, day, federal, federal holiday, hit, holiday, holiday humor, humor, independence, Independence Day, movie, movie reference, pop, pop culture, reference, still

• I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

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  2 months ago

  after, always, break, day, day off, humor, i, Monday, rest, should, Sunday, think, weekend, work, work break

• The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.

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  2 months ago

  aging, daily, daily routine, day, funny observation, humor, humor quote, i, just, morning, observation, older, rooster, routine, scream, start, understand, wake up, why

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