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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

No revenge, because I don’t even remember what happened.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

As I get older, I’m understanding why everything needs to be done before 12 p.m.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Journaling was the most useless thing l ever attempted. Not only am I still suffering but now there’s evidence.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

How dare this person in traffic hold me up for seconds on the way to a place that doesn’t require my immediate presence?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

A Bug’s Life” (1998) radicalized me.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

I’m just a Whole Foods girl on a Walmart budget.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

I hate when people ask me what I’m doing tomorrow, I don’t even know what I’m doing today.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

Users Online

3,657

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

Just shared via Twitch:

Can we take a moment to celebrate the little ride we get in the pneumatic chair at the hair salon or barber when they pump it up or down?

Live now on Discord:

There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

Spotted on YouTube:

No better feeling than getting home and realizing you forgot the one thing you went out for.

Breaking via X:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, tomorrow is Christmas.

Just landed via Messenger:

I’ll let you guys know if the psych ward has wifi.

Spotted on TikTok:

The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.

Making waves on Snapchat:

One week of daily crunches and I have abs…urdly underestimated how long it will take to see results.

Spotted on Threads:

Nothing is worse than seeing a gorgeous girl that I’d never approach or stand a chance with and then finding out she has a boyfriend.

Going viral on Snapchat:

“Out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t work for donuts.

Home » Funny Good Quotes » Page 7

377 Funny good quotes

More funny good quotes 👇

Brain, I know you’re trying hard, but you are not doing a good job.

0

1 month ago

brain, doing, effort, good, hard, humor, humor quote, i, job, know, mental, mental effort, self-awareness, self-deprecating, trying
I mostly keep friendships going because they have my good Tupperware.

0

1 month ago

friendship, friendship humor, friendship loyalty, going, good, humor, i, keep, loyalty, storage, Tupperware
Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

0

1 month ago

American, American experience, being, dentist, experience, family, good, humor, irony, mom, most, prison, sarcasm, universal
My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

0

1 month ago

breakup, communication, ex, good, humor, i, me, miss, past, reception, reply, saying, sorry, technology, text, zero
Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

0

1 month ago

adult, comedy, double, double entendre, entendre, good, hand, humor, innuendo, joke, left, making, masturbation, playful, right, sandwich, sex
When I’m in a good mood, I go to my blocked list and release one or two prisoners.

0

1 month ago

blocked, blocking, digital, digital life, good, humor, i, life, list, media, mood, prisoners, release, social, social media
Me (young, naive): “I hope something good happens.” Me (now): “I hope whatever bad happens is at least funny.”

0

1 month ago

bad, change, cynicism, evolution, Funny, good, hope, humor, humor change, humor evolution, i, irony, least, me, naivety, perspective, self-awareness, something, whatever, young
It’s crazy how social media convinced us that 15 likes aren’t enough. Imagine 15 people in real life telling you that you looked good.

0

1 month ago

comparison, compliments, convinced, crazy, culture, enough, good, imagine, life, likes, media, online, online culture, people, real, real life, self-esteem, self-worth, social, social comparison, social media, telling, us, validation, virtual, virtual validation
I see people my age out there climbing mountains and skydiving, and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

0

1 month ago

achievement, age, aging, am, balance, climbing, comedy, confidence, daily, daily life, feeling, good, got, here, humor, humor about aging, i, leg, life, life perspective, losing, myself, people, perspective, relatability, self-deprecation, skydiving, through, underwear
Good morning to everyone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

0

1 month ago

attitude, everyone, good, humor, mood, morning, morning mood, nerf, sarcasm

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Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Yes, I sometimes put my cell phone down. Especially when it rings.

16 shares on WeChat this month:

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

29 shares on YouTube this month:

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice-cream.

65 shares on YouTube this month:

How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

31 shares on Twitch this month:

I broke up with the gym. We were just not working out.

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

You’re never too old to become less of an idiot.

13 shares on X this month:

Things I don’t want in my future house: An angry man.

37 shares on Threads this month:

Fuzzy socks on and ready for anything.

82 shares on Twitch this month:

Reading a book is nice, but reading a book in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep is even better, it’s therapeutic.

92 shares on Twitch this month:

If it weren’t for the last minute, I’d never do anything.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Scooby Doo was a woke-ass show. Every villain was just a landlord trying to scare people off their property so they could sell it.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Ping me if your boobs glow in the dark.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Saw someone from high school. She said she hadn’t seen me in years. That’s likely because I’d always seen her first.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

The only thing that could heal me is a memory loss.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

My phone screen is brighter than my future.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Just thinking how many animals we had to ride on before we realized horses were ok with it.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Just saw onto the sidelines, they literally have enough footballs for all the players, they’re making them fight over that one for no reason.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

I’m looking for friends with benefits. And by that I mean friends who have pools, boats and beautiful vacation homes.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

I may regret the megabytes I’ve wasted, but I’ll never regret the megabites I’ve tasted.

Just landed via Instagram:

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

Just shared via Slack:

I wish it was socially acceptable to DM someone, “Hey, why did you and your partner break up?”

Making waves on Twitch:

Sometimes you show up to work, and they just torture you for hours.

Making waves on Messenger:

Have to connect the printer to my new laptop, and my goal is to cry no more than three times.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

Just shared via Facebook:

Everybody loves that comfort food until you end up with that comfort body.

Going viral on Slack:

Enjoy your time with me, because I love to disappear.

Just shared via YouTube:

Doggy style is out cat style is in. It’s where I let you touch me until I’m satisfied then ignore you and scratch you if you try and touch me again.

Live now on Instagram:

Vanilla perfumes are so nice. It’s like walking into a bakery but you are the bakery.

Activity Log ✨

377 Funny good quotes

More funny good quotes 👇

All funny good quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨