128 Funny leave quotes

• My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

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  2 months ago

  busy, coffee, college, drinking, going, hot, humor, kids, leave, miss, parenting, still, think

• Fake laughing at work is exhausting as hell, just leave me alone, bro.

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  2 months ago

  alone, bro, exhausting, exhaustion, fake, fake laugh, hell, humor, interaction, just, laugh, laughing, leave, me, social, social interaction, work

• You should be allowed to go home early from work if you miss your dog a lot.

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  2 months ago

  allowed, dog, early, early leave, home, humor, leave, lot, miss, missing, missing pet, pet, should, work, workplace, workplace humor

• My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

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  2 months ago

  commit, commit crime, crime, DNA, everywhere, hair, humor, i, identity, leave, me, never, personal, personal trait, trait

• Anyone else who tells their pets every time they leave the house that they’ll be back soon?

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  2 months ago

  animal, back, behavior, communication, else, every, house, leave, pet, pets, soon, time

• As a sales clerk, you want to shout after some people as they leave the store: “Are you sure you’ve really REALLY touched everything?”

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  2 months ago

  clerk, customer, everything, humor, interaction, leave, people, retail, sales, sales clerk, shout, store, sure, touch, want

• How do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me?

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  2 months ago

  dip, early, exit, exit strategy, food, gracefully, humor, i, leave, leave early, me, party, queso, queso dip, situation, social, social situation, strategy, take

• When someone asks me why I’m leaving the party early, I say “I’m late for an appointment with my pajamas.”

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  2 months ago

  appointment, comfort, early, humor, i, late, leave, leaving, me, pajamas, party, say, social, someone

• It’s Mother’s Day Eve so remember to leave out a bottle of wine for Mom when she comes down the chimney.

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  2 months ago

  bottle, celebration, chimney, day, eve, holiday, humor, leave, mom, mother’s, Mother’s Day, remember, tradition, wine

• Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

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  2 months ago

  always, delivery, guys, humor, joke, know, leave, movie, movie title, postman, ring, rings, title, twice, unrealistic

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