45 Funny married quotes

• If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.

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  2 months ago

  advice, eating, food, happiness, happy, humor, life, life advice, married, relationships, single

• Do you also watch porn until the end to see if they end up getting married?

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  2 months ago

  date, end, getting, humor, marriage, married, porn, relationship, watch

• I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

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  2 months ago

  divorce, humor, i, marriage, married, me, never, people, pressure, relationship, self-perception, single, social, social pressure, something, tell, think, wrong

• Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

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  2 months ago

  advice, behavior, bite, child, child behavior, Google, humor, kid, kids, marriage, married, parenting, teach, things

• It’s been my experience that people seem a lot nicer before we get married.

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  2 months ago

  expectations, experience, humor, marriage, married, nice, people, relationship

• Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

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  2 months ago

  again, dislike, divorce, getting, give, going, house, humor, i, love, marriage, married, relationship, sarcasm, woman

• Being married means mostly shouting “What?” from other rooms.

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  2 months ago

  being, communication, couple, humor, marriage, married, means, relationships, rooms, shouting

• Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

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  2 months ago

  communication, days, definitely, humor, life, married, married life, me, misunderstanding, never, only, partner, relationship, repetition, row, same, say, sentence, telling, told

• Making friends as an adult is wild because there’s so much lore to catch up on. You’ll be 3 years in and still get random drops like, ‘Oh, by the way, I used to be married.’

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  3 months ago

  3, adult, catch, drops, friend, friends, friendship, humor, i, life, lore, making, making friend, marriage, married, much, oh, random, social, social life, still, surprise, used, wild

• Girls … I understood why they advise us to get married and have kids before 25. Because after that, our brain starts working, and the decision won’t seem so reasonable anymore.

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  3 months ago

  25, advice, after, age, before, brain, decision, girl, girls, humor, i, kid, kids, marriage, married, reasonable, relationship, us, why, working

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