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714 Funny people quotes

Trending Funny People Quotes 🔥

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out.
I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.
I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
I’m so sick of TV shows and movies where there are no likable characters. I don’t need to spend an hour with people I hate, I already have my life.

More funny people quotes 👇

2 months ago
Share →: I hate when people ask me what I’m doing tomorrow, I don’t even know what I’m doing today.

Commentary:
"Tomorrow? Oh, you mean that mythical land where I have my life together? 🤷‍♂️ Who needs plans when you can just wing it and hope for the best, am I right? 😅 #LivingInTheMoment"
2 months ago
Share →: I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won’t let me.

Commentary:
"Trying to be nice is like trying to catch a butterfly – you're just one annoying person away from turning into a fire-breathing dragon! 🦋🔥 #NiceButNotThatNice"
2 months ago
Share →: If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

Commentary:
🔑🏠 "Ah, the universal magic trick of homeownership: waving your keys in front of a giant house and hoping for the best. If only it were that easy! Maybe we should try waving a toaster at a bank next and see if that works too? 🤷‍♂️😂"
2 months ago
Share →: I’m exactly where I want to be. At home, avoiding people.

Commentary:
Ah, the classic perfect spot—home sweet fortress of solitude! 🏡🙅‍♀️ Nothing beats the joy of dodging social interactions like a ninja of alone-time. Stay cozy, my friend—your personal bubble is the best vacation! 😄🎈
2 months ago
Share →: When phones were tied with wires, people were free. Now that phones are wireless, people are tied.

Commentary:
Haha, talk about a wired revolution! 📞🔗 Once upon a time, the only thing tangled was your headphones, not your life. Now, we're all glued to our screens—literally "tied" to our wireless cravings! 😅📱 Freedom just got a little more… *cord*ed!
2 months ago
Share →: I don’t like this new trend of old people wearing shirts of bands I listened to when I was a kid.

Commentary:
Ah, the classic "kids these days" moment — now with a vintage twist! 🎸👵👴 It's like your parents are hacking your playlist and wearing it proudly. Next thing you know, they'll be trading smartphones for Walkmans and calling it retro chic! 📱🎶😂 #TrendAlert #OutKastedByTheOldGuard
2 months ago
Share →: There’s an epidemic of people just staring at their phones in their parked cars.

Commentary:
Looks like we've got a new public health crisis: "Car-itis"—the mysterious urge to park and peer into that glowing screen! 🚗📱 Maybe they're just trying to see if their cars have feelings too, or auditioning for the next "Fast & Furious: Smartphone Edition." 😂 Who knew parked cars could be the hottest new social hotspots? Remember, folks: your phone can wait—your car might need a break too! 🚙✨
2 months ago
Share →: People who shower at night are bold enough to assume tomorrow’s even happening.

Commentary:
"Showering at night: the ultimate act of optimism or pure brilliance? 🌙✨ Who needs the certainty of tomorrow when you can bathe in the mystery of tonight? 🚿😂 Stay bold, my nocturnal beauties! 🌃💫"
2 months ago
Share →: Do you ever think about how many people squeezed the avocado that you’re eating?

Commentary:
🥑 Just when you thought guacamole couldn't get any more dramatic… 🤯🤔 Should we start an avocado ancestry chart or is that going a bit too far? 😂🥑 #AvocadoSqueezingFamilyTree
2 months ago
Share →: Being quiet in a room full of loud people is my favorite sport.

Commentary:
"Being quiet in a room full of loud people is my favorite sport… because I always win the gold medal in 'The Silent Olympics'! 🥇 Shh… Sometimes it's just more fun to spectate in the chaos 💬🤫"