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Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

The ‘E’ in my name stands for ‘Everything you need.’

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Are you in love with me yet or do I have to post another Spotify link?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I can’t talk right now. The seam of my sock feels weird.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

I don’t just hold a grudge; I love it, pet it, feed it and take it for long walks on the beach.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Every day I ask ChatGPT if it knows where my keys are and if it ever knows the answer, I’m suing everybody.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

The best time to start a family fight is now. It gets you out of buying relatives gifts.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Some parents are blessed with amazing kids and others have kids that decide to learn the trumpet.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: It’s a rare occurrence, so you’re special.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1143 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,305

Funny Quotes Topics

14,220

Funny Quotes Images

11,305

9 minutes ago

3,447

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

A big part of aging is accumulating keys and not knowing what they’re for.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

The crematorium is my last hope for a hot body.

Live now on WeChat:

I’m not superstitious because it brings bad luck.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

No, I don’t like nature. I can’t respect anything that would so flippantly turn dinosaurs into birds.

Just shared via Messenger:

Desperately seeking my soul, mate.

Trending via Threads:

Looking for someone whose favorite thing to do is nothing. No hiking. No adventure. Just bed rot.

Trending via Snapchat:

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Cleaning your kid’s room will piss you off, cause why is my Airfryer in here?

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Hear me out. What if we don’t elect another president, and we all just promise to be really good?

Shared recently on X:

There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

Home » Funny Self-control Quotes

30 Funny self-control quotes

Funny self-control quotes bring a hilarious twist to the everyday struggle of staying disciplined 🍕😂 Whether you’re battling midnight snacks or resisting that impulsive online shopping spree 🛒🤪, these witty sayings will have you laughing while keeping your willpower in check 💪🤣 Get ready to giggle and relate as you embrace the lighter side of self-control! 😅🔥

New funny self-control quotes 👇

4 hours ago
Share →: Self-discipline is tough because I’m the boss of me, and that guy runs a real loose ship.

Commentary:
Who knew my inner boss would be more of a party planner than a drill sergeant? 🥳🛳️
15 hours ago
Share →: I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I’m thinking out loud.

Commentary:
The struggle is real when your inside voice wants to become your outside voice 😂🤐
23 hours ago
Share →: I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

Commentary:
Trying to shock Gordon Ramsay with my culinary restraint! 😅🔪🥣
2 days ago
Share →: Sometimes my greatest accomplishment is keeping my mouth shut.

Commentary:
Achieving Olympic-level self-restraint, one unspoken comment at a time! 🤐🏅😂
2 days ago
Share →: I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

Commentary:
Trying my best not to turn my life into a blockbuster drama reel 🍿😅📱
2 days ago
Share →: Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.

Commentary:
When you realize that today is a "hug them with your words, not your hands" kind of day 😂🤦‍♀️ #KeepCalm 👐😇
1 week ago
Share →: Deleting the paragraph you wrote and texting back “ok” is a different type of self-control.

Commentary:
Proof that sometimes less is more… especially when avoiding a novel! 😂📜✂️
1 week ago
Share →: I need to be more disciplined and stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow.

Commentary:
Procrastination level: expert 😅⏳ Maybe I'll join you… tomorrow!
2 weeks ago
Share →: If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself. No one likes a braggart.

Commentary:
Guess I’ll have to hide my happiness behind my resting grump face then! 😄🙃
2 weeks ago
Share →: Forced to say “it’s okay” instead of throwing a chair at them.

Commentary:
When you channel your inner Zen master instead of your inner WWE wrestler 😂🪑💫

For even more funny self-control quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny self-control quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1143 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,305

Funny Quotes Topics

14,220

Funny Quotes Images

11,305

9 minutes ago

3,444

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Livin’ la vida vodka!

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

I wish rolling your eyes burned calories.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

My exorcist thinks we should see other demons.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Just because you haven’t found the right person, doesn’t mean you will.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

9-5 is really 10-2 if you’re working remote.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via YouTube:

There I was, quietly reliving my dream of having my own house, when suddenly I was attacked by insane prices.

Live now on Snapchat:

They should invent health insurance that insures your health.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

People that tell us what sex gods they are, what do you want us to do with that information?

Just shared via Facebook:

I overthink, therefore I am.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Of all the things to lose, why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind?

Shared recently on Instagram:

He died doing what he did best, trying to get a croc to wear a Croc.

Just shared via Instagram:

I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.

Making waves on Threads:

It’s fun getting room service. I just love eating a $19 hamburger at a desk in front of a mirror.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Don’t date coworkers. Being the hot coworker nobody at work has a chance with is always the best role to play.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Sometimes, fasting from people is also important.

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