18 Funny self-control quotes

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  1 month ago

  Share →: Not eating the cookie I’m craving. I better wake up skinny tomorrow.

  Commentary:
  "Me skipping the midnight cookie: tomorrow, I'm expecting to wake up as a runway model. 😂🍪💃"

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: I try to contain my craziness, but the lid keeps popping off.

  Commentary:
  "Trying to keep my craziness under wraps is like trying to contain popcorn 🍿 – no matter how hard I squeeze that lid, the kernels are going to burst out eventually! 😂🤪"

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: I can resist everything except temptation.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the eternal struggle between willpower and desire! As Oscar Wilde so succinctly put it, "I can resist everything except temptation." It's like trying to resist the allure of a warm, gooey chocolate chip cookie on a strict healthy eating plan – temptation always seems to have the upper hand! But hey, who can blame us? Sometimes, giving in to temptation is just too irresistible to resist!

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Being on a diet isn’t so bad if you don’t follow it.

  Commentary:
  "Whoever said 'being on a diet isn't so bad if you don't follow it' clearly knows the secret to a guilt-free snack attack 🍪🥗 Pro tip: Just call it 'diet-adjacent' and you're good to go! 😄 #DietingDilemmas"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: If you’re doing Dry January, please, please, keep it to yourself. Nobody cares, and you’re probably even more boring without alcohol.

  Commentary:
  "Let's cheers to those brave souls taking on Dry January! 🥂 Just remember, a sober socialite is like a unicorn – rarely seen and possibly mythical. 🦄 #DryJanuaryDrama"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: For once, I’d like to spiral into control.

  Commentary:
  "Trying to spiral into control is like attempting to nail Jell-O to a wall 🌀🙃. Good luck with that chaotic journey! Maybe start with baby steps, like organizing your sock drawer first 🧦😜."

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: At least 80% of my day is spent holding back my inappropriate thoughts.

  Commentary:
  "Trying to navigate through the day like a pro at the 'Inappropriate Thoughts Olympics' 🏅. Who knew that suppressing 80% of your inner comedian would be considered a full-time job? 😂 #KeepingItPG #MasterOfRestraint"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Holding back your sarcastic replies takes a lot of inner strength.

  Commentary:
  Resisting the urge to let those zingers fly is basically a full-body workout for your self-control muscles! 💪😂 Remember, sarcasm is just one more service we offer here at the "Snarky Comments Gym." Keep flexing those inner strength muscles, champ! 💬🏋️‍♂️

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

  Commentary:
  "Deciding to behave today is like planning to start a diet on a Monday – sounds good in theory, but reality hits hard when the mirror shows up 😅🤷‍♀️ Maybe tomorrow is looking pretty attractive right about now! #ProcrastinationAtItsFinest"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I need a browser plugin that disables Amazon when I’m drinking. Hashtag: don’t drink and Prime.

  Commentary:
  "Someone please create a 'Prime Time Intervention' plugin to save us from drunk shopping sprees on Amazon! 🛑🥴 #ShopSober #DontDrinkAndPrime"

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