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This Monday could have been an email.
I wish anxiety came with french fries.
Pregnancy is crazy. You really come home with someone you don’t know, with no teeth.
For whom the doom scrolls!
Deciding if I should heal or just give up and go completely insane.

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Why does the dentist have to take an x-ray of my teeth? They right there, bro!
I don’t understand how some people find love several times in their lives. I first have to find someone who doesn’t get on my nerves.
On my way to Mordor. You nerds need anything?
If you’re worried that you added too much cheese to the recipe, I am here to reassure you that you did not.
Avoid calls from pesky bill collectors by not paying your phone bill.

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Funny social media quotes

Funny social media quotes bring a touch of humor to our digital lives! 📱😂 From hilarious posts to witty observations about online behavior, these quotes capture the amusing side of social networking. Enjoy a laugh as you scroll through your feeds and interact with the online world! 😄💬

I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

Posted onNov 20, 2023May 6, 2024

Sorry I marked myself as safe on Facebook after your PowerPoint presentation.

Posted onNov 15, 20233 months ago

Don’t think of it as losing followers, think of it as frustrating bots to the point they go away.

Posted onNov 8, 2023Nov 8, 2023

Twitter is an abusement park.

Posted onOct 25, 2023Oct 25, 2023

I’m not humiliating myself here for 3 likes. 10 maybe but not 3.

Posted onOct 22, 2023Oct 22, 2023

A Twitter swear jar could end world hunger.

Posted onOct 20, 20236 months ago

I’ve heard that people who don’t have Facebook use their free time to lie naked on top of each other. Ew, imagine that.

Posted onOct 20, 2023May 6, 2024

Not pretty enough for Instagram, not funny enough for Twitter. Welcome to WhatsApp status.

Posted onOct 19, 2023Oct 19, 2023

Don’t judge me on my likes, I’m confusing the algorithm.

Posted onOct 17, 2023Oct 17, 2023

If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

Posted onOct 17, 2023Oct 17, 2023

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

Posted onOct 17, 2023Oct 17, 2023

Twitter is great because you can tweet “hi” and someone will tell you you’re wrong.

Posted onOct 9, 2023Oct 9, 2023

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

Posted onOct 6, 2023May 6, 2024

Remember before social media you would have to pick up the phone and call someone to tell them how much you love bacon?

Posted onOct 3, 2023Oct 3, 2023

I’m sorry I didn’t text you back. I’m really busy watching the The Lord of The Rings in the form of mini clips on TikTok.

Posted onSep 30, 2023May 7, 2024

Fun like a LinkedIn notification.

Posted onSep 29, 20233 months ago

Going viral on X is like winning a lotto during the apocalypse.

Posted onSep 28, 2023Sep 28, 2023

Hey! Sorry I missed your text, I am processing a non-stop 24/7 onslaught of information with a brain designed to eat berries in a cave.

Posted onSep 28, 2023Sep 28, 2023

Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

Posted onSep 28, 2023Nov 3, 2023

How do I tell Instagram I don’t want to see guys almost eaten by gators?

Posted onSep 23, 2023Sep 23, 2023

Welcome to Twitter: yeah, none of us can sleep either.

Posted onSep 23, 2023Sep 23, 2023

Twitter is fun because you can post a pic of pizza and people will get mad at you.

Posted onSep 23, 2023May 6, 2024

I’ve realized there’s more to life than social media, so I guess this is goodbye for the next 12 minutes.

Posted onSep 22, 2023Sep 23, 2023

Follow me on Instagram if you want to see me post absolutely nothing for weeks.

Posted onSep 22, 2023Sep 23, 2023

If Facebook has taught us anything it’s that a lot of people aren’t quite ready for a spelling bee.

Posted onSep 22, 2023May 6, 2024

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