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27 Funny speed quotes

You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

2 weeks ago

Bruce Lee had a faster older brother named Sudden Lee.

4 weeks ago

I’ll be like “I’m fine” then shake my leg at 150 mph.

2 months ago

Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

3 months ago

Quickie so fast, it’s called secs.

3 months ago

Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

3 months ago

The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

3 months ago

Time needs a speed limit.

3 months ago

November moving quicker than two lesbians who met three days ago.

3 months ago

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

3 months ago

My favorite 90s skill: Uninstalling my car stereo and hiding it in my glove box in under 15 seconds.

3 months ago

Why do chefs always have to cut everything so fast? It’s just an onion man, why don’t you relax?

3 months ago

Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?

3 months ago

Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

3 months ago

I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

3 months ago

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

3 months ago

My greatest joy in life is when a friend reads a book I recommend. My greatest frustration in life is when they don’t read it fast enough.

3 months ago

My running speed is very slow because the Discman wasn’t allowed to shake in the past.

3 months ago

Note: Press the button on the elevator as often as possible to activate the secret express function and speed up the thing.

3 months ago

I’m the Usain Bolt of running late.

3 months ago