29 Funny speed quotes

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  4 weeks ago

  View →: Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.
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  1 month ago

  View →: I like when I walk with people and they note that I’m a fast walker. We’re in a race. We’re in a race and you’re losing actually.
• 

  2 months ago

  View →: You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.
• 

  3 months ago

  View →: Bruce Lee had a faster older brother named Sudden Lee.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: I’ll be like “I’m fine” then shake my leg at 150 mph.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Quickie so fast, it’s called secs.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Time needs a speed limit.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: November moving quicker than two lesbians who met three days ago.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: My favorite 90s skill: Uninstalling my car stereo and hiding it in my glove box in under 15 seconds.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Why do chefs always have to cut everything so fast? It’s just an onion man, why don’t you relax?
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: My greatest joy in life is when a friend reads a book I recommend. My greatest frustration in life is when they don’t read it fast enough.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: My running speed is very slow because the Discman wasn’t allowed to shake in the past.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Note: Press the button on the elevator as often as possible to activate the secret express function and speed up the thing.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: I’m the Usain Bolt of running late.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Just saw my evil doppelganger speed away in a DeLorean. I’m sure it’s fine.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Being Leonardo DiCaprio is like driving in a school zone. You don’t go above twenty-five.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Yes, officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: It’s weird how horses can run so fast but still suck at every other sport.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: You ever tried driving the speed limit and thought, “They can’t be serious.”
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

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