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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

I want someone to care for me as much as Netflix cares if someone has logged into my account from another device.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

They can steal your recipe, but the sauce won’t taste the same.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Why is the debate at night time? Let’s get this thing started at 4pm. I don’t need to get riled up so close to bedtime.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Eating Chinese takeout is never as depressing as in the movies. It usually is good.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I went to clean bathroom and I’m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Nobody in the entire world has ever known what to do with me.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

I don’t know if I’m still tired or already tired.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Does anyone know what to do, like in general?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,328

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

The reason the world felt like a better place during your childhood is because you were a child.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Who needs dystopian fiction when you can watch the news?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Whoever named frogs got it 100% right. Those things are frogs.

Going viral on Pinterest:

One of the main reasons to drink tea is because you can say, ‘Let me put the kettle on,’ and stuff like that.

Spotted on Messenger:

Brother: What are you bringing to Thanksgiving dinner? Me: Wine and unresolved issues. They pair nicely.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

There is nothing worse in life than calling customer service and hearing an Indian accent.

Trending via Messenger:

Eight times a day, I ask myself which object in the office will hurt me enough so that I can go home, but at the same time won’t hurt too much.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Just because talking is for you doesn’t mean that starting a podcast is.

Seen just now on Twitch:

There should be a Mad Max movie that reveals the world outside Australia has actually remained pretty normal.

Seen just now on Discord:

Being on a diet isn’t so bad if you don’t follow it.

35 Funny analogy quotes

Funny analogy quotes are like a splash of laughter in the sea of everyday chatter 🌊😂 They turn simple comparisons into hilarious mind-benders, making you see the world in a whole new, quirky light 🤪💡 Ready to giggle while thinking? Dive into these witty gems that blend humor and wisdom perfectly 🎯🔥

New funny analogy quotes 👇

Life is like a game of chess. I don’t enjoy it very much.

1 week ago

analogy, chess, enjoy, enjoyment, game, humor, i, life, much
Your phone is a casino designed to steal your time.

1 week ago

addiction, analogy, casino, distraction, humor, phone, steal, technology, time
Carrying my phone from room to room like a Victorian woman and her lantern.

1 week ago

analogy, carrying, daily, daily life, habit, humor, lantern, life, modern, modern habit, phone, room, technology, Victorian, Victorian woman, woman
When a girl says “5 mins,” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter, and both teams have all their timeouts.

1 week ago

4th, 5, analogy, basketball, both, estimate, five, girl, humor, left, minutes, quarter, sports, sports analogy, Teams, think, time, time estimate, timeout
A perfect metaphor for my life would be “Someone trying to stand up in a hammock.”

1 week ago

analogy, balance, challenge, hammock, humor, life, metaphor, perfect, someone, stand, struggle, trying
I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

1 week ago

analogy, avocado, food, fruit, humor, i, impatience, patience, ripe
Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

1 week ago

analogy, car, children, driving, emotional, emotional regulation, emotions, feelings, health, humor, mental, mental health, regulation, self-control, stuff, trunk, want
Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

1 week ago

analogy, box, eaten, eating, humor, once, packaging, pizza, pizza slice, round, shape, slice, square, square box, triangle, understand, understanding, why, women
Telling your parents about your problems is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline.

1 week ago

advice, analogy, fire, frustration, gasoline, humor, parent, parents, problems, put, telling, trying
Theo Von’s entire life is like a raccoon that visits New York City.

1 week ago

analogy, animal, city, comparison, funny comparison, humor, life, new, New York City, quirky, raccoon, theo, Theo Von, urban, urban life, visits, von, york

For even more funny analogy quotes, hit next 👇

All funny analogy quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

87 shares on Discord this month:

I gave you a follow back, not a Tinder match, don’t “Hey, beautiful” me.

69 shares on Facebook this month:

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

93 shares on Threads this month:

It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

62 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen what happens when they get elected.

25 shares on YouTube this month:

Do you also have teenagers whose styling motto is: freeze to death for coolness?

87 shares on YouTube this month:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be turning you into a poem.

92 shares on Slack this month:

I become someone I don’t recognize when I play Monopoly.

88 shares on Facebook this month:

Every time you break spaghetti noodles in half, an Italian has a stroke.

86 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I avoid drama by being unpopular.

77 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s officially Christmas shopping season, and I can’t even afford my own life.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Sure, money can’t buy happiness, but it can definitely buy a jet ski… and have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Women are obsessed with Love Island, but when me and my boys do it in real life, we’re disgusting cheating dogs?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone is celebrating my vegan Bolognese sauce. The secret ingredient is minced meat.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a “stay signed in” checkbox that isn’t meaningless.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve done the math: If the month had 10 days, I would get by with my money.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s not that I want more shoes, it’s just that they keep making them in my size.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the more I respect Sleeping Beauty. She took one look at the world and said, “Nah.”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,750

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Almost all of my bad decisions are food-related.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

I was living in the moment until I was evicted.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

This meeting could have been a cake.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Go outside and let the rain do what your boyfriend can’t.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

I’ve already sent Santa a short letter this week to say hello. Not that he thinks I only get in touch if I want something.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

My worst fear is looking out my window at night, and someone looking right at me.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Telling your parents about your problems is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

‘You’re going to die alone!’ Okay, when did dying become a group project?

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

If your name is “Guy”, you have lazy parents.

Shared recently on Discord:

One thing I love about the internet is seeing some of the most hateful people posting inspirational quotes.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.

Breaking via Reddit:

I remember when I was broke… I’m still broke, that’s why I remember so well.

Breaking via Reddit:

Coughing has finally overtaken speaking Arabic as the most taboo thing to do in an airport.

Going viral on WeChat:

Authentic isn’t automatically good. You could be an authentic douchebag.

Making waves on Discord:

Laying in bed with the nervous system of someone going to war.

Freshly posted on Discord:

No, baby, I’m not dumping you. I’m just rebranding myself as your ex.

Spotted on WeChat:

I get it, orcas. Sometimes you just need to ruin a yacht to feel something.

Breaking via Discord:

Starting my period on election day because I’m a true patriot who bleeds for this country.

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