17 Funny burn quotes — Wordgag ツ

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

2 weeks ago2 weeks ago

I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

2 months ago2 months ago

The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.

2 months ago2 months ago

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

2 months ago2 months ago

Let’s hope those bridges you burn keep you warm at night.

2 months ago2 months ago

Just burned 2,000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at Walmart.

3 months ago3 months ago

His voice was like whiskey. Smooth with a slow burn that lit me up from the inside.

3 months ago3 months ago

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

6 months ago

If you scroll Twitter long enough, you too can burn calories by shaking your head.

6 months ago6 months ago

How many calories do you burn waiting to hear back?

6 months ago6 months ago

Deleting tweets like a writer who burns his manuscripts.

Feb 25, 2025

Overthinking should at least burn calories.

Feb 19, 2025Feb 19, 2025

Being insane should at least burn calories.

Feb 3, 2025Feb 3, 2025

The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.

Feb 1, 2025Feb 1, 2025

How many of y’all are “burn a CD” and “lime wire” old?

Jan 28, 2025

There’s nothing like sitting by an open fire and watching the evidence burn.

Jan 27, 2025

Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

Jan 24, 2025