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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

“I’ll worry about it next time.” Me pissing off future me.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Headless mannequins are great because they let you see how you’ll look wearing a new shirt after you’ve been decapitated.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

She said she liked animals but apparently all the fruit flies around my apartment was a “turn off”

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

The smarter you are, the more important it is for you to figure out how to think less.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Some of you are still single because, when someone sends you romantic words, you reply with “hahaha.”

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

If you think voting is pointless wait until you hear about writing posts here.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

4,035

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Snapchat:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here talking baby talk to my plants.

Freshly posted on Threads:

So apparently they don’t count as sit-ups if you’re just trying to get out of bed.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I asked my dad what his favorite joke was. He said, “I can’t pick a favorite. I love you and your sister equally!”

Live now on Slack:

Friday the 13th used to mean something. Now every day is awful.

Just landed via Threads:

The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.

Going viral on Pinterest:

If you’re worried that you added too much cheese to the recipe, I am here to reassure you that you did not.

Going viral on Facebook:

I regret to inform you all that I just plan on getting hotter and weirder.

Just landed via YouTube:

The sexiest thing a man can do is have a problem-solving mentality.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

Seen just now on X:

Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.

39 Funny contact quotes

More funny contact quotes 👇

Men invented arm wrestling so they could hold hands and look into each other’s eyes.

0

2 months ago

arm, arm wrestling, bonding, contact, eye, eye contact, eyes, hands, hold, humor, invention, male, male bonding, men, others, playful, romance, wrestling
I am cutting contact with my 3-year-old narcissist nephew.

0

2 months ago

am, child, contact, cutting, distance, family, humor, i, narcissist, nephew, relationship, sarcasm, social, social distance
The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3 a.m.

0

2 months ago

3, am, best, contact, dreams, fantasy, humor, humor quote, imagination, late, late night, me, meet, night
I don’t text. I will contact you telepathically.

0

2 months ago

communication, contact, humor, i, life, media, modern, modern life, sarcasm, social, social media, technology, telepathy, text, texting
Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.

0

2 months ago

around, awkwardness, casual, casual interaction, contact, crazy, everyday, everyday life, eye, eye contact, humor, humorous, humorous observation, interaction, just, let, life, making, me, observation, saying, self-awareness, sidewalk, social, social awkwardness, strangers, walk
Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

0

2 months ago

connection, contact, distraction, essential, eye, eye contact, finding, humor, meetings, person, strategy, stupid, survival, workplace
The main reason for stress is the daily contact with idiots.

0

2 months ago

contact, daily, idiot, idiots, main, reason, stress
Stop making eye contact with me, I can’t afford a wedding right now.

0

2 months ago

afford, commitment, contact, eye, eye contact, humor, i, making, me, money, panic, relationship, right, stop, wedding
Please hesitate to get in touch with me.

0

2 months ago

communication, contact, hesitate, humor, irony, me, please, touch, wit
Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

0

2 months ago

assertiveness, confidence, contact, dance, dominance, eye, eye contact, humor, twerking

For even more funny contact quotes, hit next 👇

All funny contact quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on Facebook this month:

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a lying weirdo.

63 shares on Twitch this month:

Proposing at someone else’s wedding is out. Die at their funeral like a real man.

80 shares on YouTube this month:

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

17 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

78 shares on X this month:

“Turn down for what?” My ears, fella. My ears.

71 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m at the age where living in the woods and arguing with a raccoon sounds like a peaceful retirement plan.

86 shares on X this month:

I’ve never seen anything sadder than me in a black cape under the salon lights with wet hair parted incorrectly by a solid inch.

13 shares on Messenger this month:

Yesterday, thieves broke into my home. They searched everywhere and found nothing. They beat me up, telling me to work harder.

80 shares on Telegram this month:

Canadian Thanksgiving isn’t the same day as Thanksgiving in the US because Canadians already put gravy on everything every day.

52 shares on X this month:

Can’t wait for when we’re all in our 80’s and still tweeting.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

You haven’t experienced proper anger until you have a sister.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Sometimes I look deep into my colleagues’ eyes to check if you really can’t see the back of their skulls.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

I can admit that I am intrigued by people weirder than I am.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Some of you aren’t reading the room. Not even listening to the room on audiobook.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

If you can stand me, you deserve me!

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

November moving quicker than two lesbians who met three days ago.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Can I just skip to the part in my life where I’m rich and happily in love?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Twitter is the black sheep of the web, always in the corner, loudly arguing with itself.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

If you’re going to walk in my shoes, please also wear my FitBit.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

If you’re not in my circle of trust, you’re probably in my triangle of suspicion or rhombus of doubt.

Trending via Discord:

Took a break from social media because my cat was asleep on my phone.

Just shared via Reddit:

Who is this Rorschach guy and where did he get all the pictures of my parents fighting?

Seen just now on Instagram:

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

Breaking via TikTok:

The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.

Shared recently on WeChat:

TVs are like, literally, the only thing that has gotten cheaper as I’ve gotten older.

Just shared via Instagram:

My husband and I were doing yard work, but I started a fight so I could storm off into the air conditioning.

Going bananas on Discord:

Work beers should be a daily thing.

Live now on Facebook:

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I need someone to look at me the way I look at memes.

Activity Log ✨

39 Funny contact quotes

More funny contact quotes 👇

All funny contact quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨