Funny quotes couple

41 Funny couple quotes

If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

2 weeks ago

“Excuse me, are you gonna finish those fries?” Me, interrupting a couple fighting.

1 month ago

Please help my husband and I decide on dinner. We’ve narrowed it down to “It doesn’t matter” and “It’s your turn to choose”.

1 month ago

We do it every night. Annoy each other.

1 month ago

Couples who finish each other’s sentences have killed before and will kill again.

1 month ago

Husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years. Then we met.

1 month ago

My wife and I always eat dinner as fast as possible so we can have a popsicle.

1 month ago

You ever get into such a weird mood you have to put yourself on house arrest for a couple days?

2 months ago

I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

2 months ago

Currently helping my husband look for his $20 I spent yesterday.

2 months ago

My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I’ll shop.

2 months ago

Date night idea: fight another couple.

2 months ago

Only a couple more days until I come home and pretend I forgot about Valentine’s Day.

3 months ago

I make her eyes roll back. Not in bed though. I’m just annoying.

3 months ago

I got us matching straight jackets for Christmas.

3 months ago

I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

3 months ago

(Making small talk with a couple) So have you guys ever cheated on each other?

3 months ago

You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s “you can’t drive”.

3 months ago

The secret to a good marriage is that it’s all about give and take. Giving each other frequent back rubs and ordering lots of takeout.

3 months ago

Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

3 months ago