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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Journaling was the most useless thing l ever attempted. Not only am I still suffering but now there’s evidence.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

How did they call Deadpool’s dog ‘Dogpool’ when ‘Deadpoodle’ was right there?

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

If a woman says “Do what you want!”, then for God’s sake don’t do what you want!

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Some people are wise, some folks are otherwise.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Twitter is fun because you can tweet about hashbrowns and someone will say you are responsible for genocide.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

If anyone wants to watch the Super Bowl on a large 8k TV, come on over to my place (and bring a large 8k TV).

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

I just want peace, not a notification every time someone breathes.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Things will be fine, eventually—in thousands of years—for rocks.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

791 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,953

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,953

26 minutes ago

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via X:

Forgetting your phone at home is the modern equivalent of leaving your sword behind in medieval times.

Spotted on Twitch:

She didn’t leave you on read, bro. You left her on speechless.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Kinda in the mood to let my feelings impair my judgement.

Seen just now on Instagram:

That incredible ability of cats to only throw up on carpeted floors.

Going viral on YouTube:

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

Making waves on Instagram:

Having a cat is like having a roommate that doesn’t want to hang out and never intends on being friends.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I wonder how much time The Weeknd saves not typing that extra e.

Trending via Reddit:

I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.

Just landed via WeChat:

Stop asking me if I’m tired. Can’t I just be ugly?

Trending via Reddit:

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

Home » Funny Hire Quotes

Funny hire quotes

Funny hire quotes bring a splash of humor to the sometimes stressful world of recruiting and job hunting 🎉😂 Whether you’re a boss looking to lighten the mood or a candidate navigating interviews, these witty gems will have you chuckling while making smart hiring decisions 🤹‍♂️💼 Ready to turn the hiring process into a fun adventure? Let’s dive into some laughs that make work feel a little less work! 🎯🚀

New funny hire quotes 👇

2 months ago
Share →: They should invent a job that actually wants to hire you after you apply.

Commentary:
"Is there an app for instant approvals yet? Asking for a friend… and their resume. 🤔🧑‍💻📄"
6 months ago
Share →: I think I can now safely say that none of my co-workers were “personality hires”.

Commentary:
Looks like the hiring process at your workplace is all about talent and not just about having a great personality 🌟. No room for "personality hires" here! 🚫😂 #SkillsOverSmiles
6 months ago
Share →: I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.

Commentary:
"Looks like the boss (aka YOU) is not feeling so generous with the budget lately 🤷‍♂️ Maybe it's time for a performance review with some self-reflection? 😅💼 #DIYBoss"
6 months ago
Share →: My wife refuses to hire a housekeeper because she doesn’t want them to see this mess.

Commentary:
Looks like the mess is on a strict need-to-know basis only! 🤫🚫 Who knew secrecy was a crucial element in housekeeping? 😂🧹 #TopSecretMess
6 months ago
Share →: My company promotes diversity. We’d never hire twins.

Commentary:
"Sorry twins, you'll have to take turns applying at this company! We're all about unique individuals here 😉👯‍♂️ #NoTwinningAllowed"
6 months ago
Share →: I need to hire someone to just constantly slap food out of my hand.

Commentary:
"Why hire someone when you can just develop a self-slapping mechanism? 🤚🍔 It's the ultimate diet plan – guaranteed to keep those midnight snack cravings at bay! 😂 #HandSlapDiet"

For even more funny hire quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny hire quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

791 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,953

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,953

26 minutes ago

3,438

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

There is nothing an orgasm can’t fix, I have researched it extensively.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Can’t wait for my husband to see what he bought everyone for Christmas.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

The guy who drills the holes so you can assemble IKEA furniture is clearly having problems at home.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

“You let your cat on the bed?” I would put her on my life insurance.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Ever thought about centaurs and how the bottom half would start walking immediately after birth but the top part would be baby-like and flop around for a while.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

I hate it when I’m at work and someone asks “are you at free at the moment?”. Please expand further so I can know if I’m free or not.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

When I was a kid, I had to walk to Netflix.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

My girlfriend wants us to try couples counseling and I said we should use my therapist because he already knows what’s wrong with her.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Vatican City should be called Popenhagen.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

Reported on Snapchat:

I only use ‘sir’ disrespectfully.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Some people don’t have a permanent handwriting. It depends on their mood and the pen they use.

Shared recently on Slack:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

Freshly posted on Discord:

Saturdays are for doing absolutely everything or doing absolutely nothing, everybody knows that.

Reported on Instagram:

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

Spotted on Twitch:

If you shouldn’t go food shopping when you’re hungry, then you should definitely not go clothes shopping when you’re naked. Trust me on this.

Going viral on Reddit:

There are drug-sniffing dogs, guide dogs, dogs that save lives. And then there’s my dog, who hits the lead when he poops.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

Trending via Facebook:

If someone asks why you’re so pale, simply reply, completely shocked, “You can see me?”

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