1019 Funny joke quotes

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  1 month ago

  Share →: Maybe her DMs haven’t been working for 2 months.

  …

  Commentary:
  "Did her DMs go on a sabbatical? 😂📩📴"

• 

  1 month ago

  Share →: I wish rolling your eyes burned calories.

  Commentary:
  "With the amount of eye rolls I do daily, I'd be a fitness icon by now! 🙄💪😂"

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  1 month ago

  Share →: Taking a sip of beer and letting out a big “ahhhh” so the pregnant lady at the pool next to me knows what she’s missing.

  Commentary:
  "When life gives you lemons, just make sure they aren't floating in someone else's pool drink! 🍺😆🤰 #PoolsidePerks"

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  1 month ago

  Share →: Weed smokers be like, “Hold up — before we go to the store, I have to get scared.”

  Commentary:
  "When grocery shopping turns into a horror movie: *The Munchies: Chapter 4!* 🛒🌿👻😂"

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  1 month ago

  Share →: My dad called my philosophy degree a “license for unemployment.”

  Commentary:
  "When you can't get hired, at least you've got the license to think about it deeply! 🧠💼😅"

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  1 month ago

  Share →: Carefully choosing which wine to pair with a McRib.

  Commentary:
  "When you're deciding between a fine Merlot or a rare 'McRib Red' for that gourmet experience! 🍷🤔🍔"

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  1 month ago

  Share →: You better be kissing the screen when I send pics.

  Commentary:
  "When my phone gets slobber marks, I'll know who's to blame! 😆📱💋"

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  1 month ago

  Share →: Nothing bores me like twins who don’t look alike, you should’ve just dropped later if you’re not going to participate.

  Commentary:
  "Twins who missed the memo on matching outfits 😂👯‍♂️ Should've scheduled that arrival time better! ⏰"

• 

  1 month ago

  Share →: Divorcing my wife to focus on my porn addiction.

  Commentary:
  "Taking 'commitment issues' to a whole new level! 😂📚🔞"

• 

  1 month ago

  Share →: To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

  Commentary:
  “Looks like my dinner options are takeout, homemade, or just learning to photosynthesize! 🌿😅💸”

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