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64 Funny late quotes

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

3 months ago

Sorry to any bands who see me yawn during their show. It’s not you, it’s just past 10pm.

3 months ago

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

3 months ago

A late person is never happier than when the person they’re meeting is later than them.

3 months ago

I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

3 months ago

People always tell me I’d be “late to my own funeral” like it’s a bad thing. They’d be lucky if I even showed up to that depressing shit.

3 months ago

Welcome to your late 40s! From now on you will no longer be in “good health” but in “good health for your age”.

3 months ago

I’m a yapper. I’m a napper. I’m a midnight snacker.

3 months ago

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew that I wanted to be late for work.

3 months ago

Naps are like gambling for the tired. You either wake up refreshed or too late to lots of angry texts.

3 months ago

Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.

3 months ago

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

3 months ago

Gonna tell my dentist that if I’m late, he should start without me.

3 months ago

Sorry I was late, I was waiting for my CVS receipt to finish printing.

3 months ago

When I say I’m saving myself for marriage, what I mean is you won’t know how annoying I am until it’s too late.

3 months ago

I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

3 months ago

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

3 months ago

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

3 months ago

Sorry I was late, I was frantically applying to other jobs.

3 months ago

I called the cops on my own party once because I was ready to go to bed.

3 months ago