1409 Funny life quotes

• My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

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  3 weeks ago

  dead, humor, joke, life, own, relationship, sex, sex life, tombstone

• Probably the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, except for a bunch of other times.

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  3 weeks ago

  depressed, depression, emotions, ever, except, health, humor, life, mental, mental health, most, sadness, self-deprecation, times

• When you’re a parent, your skincare routine is just the steam from the dishwasher when you open it to find the coffee cup you just needed.

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  3 weeks ago

  coffee, coffee cup, cup, daily, daily life, dishwasher, humor, just, life, open, parent, routine, skincare, skincare routine, steam

• I avoid those club cameras like my life depends on it.

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  3 weeks ago

  avoid, avoidance, camera, club, depends, humor, i, life, nightlife

• Life is giving me no lemons. It’s throwing watermelons.

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  3 weeks ago

  exaggeration, fruit, giving, humor, lemon, lemons, life, me, situation, throwing, unexpected, unexpected situation, watermelon

• Sometimes I think the subway rat is doing better than me. He has a routine, a social circle, and knows where to find the best pizza.

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  3 weeks ago

  best, better, circle, comparison, doing, food, humor, i, knows, life, me, pizza, rat, routine, social, social circle, sometimes, Subway, subway rat, think, urban, urban life, where

• Nothing like a meteor shower to remind you that burning out can still be breathtaking.

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  3 weeks ago

  astronomy, burning, burnout, humor, lesson, life, life lesson, metaphor, meteor, meteor shower, nature, nothing, observation, remind, shower, still

• Ever since I was young, I wanted to check my email for a verification code.

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  3 weeks ago

  check, childhood, code, digital, digital life, email, ever, humor, i, life, online, online security, security, technology, verification, verification code, wanted, young

• Phones are wild… we really just sit around tapping glass all day.

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  3 weeks ago

  addiction, around, day, glass, humor, just, life, modern, modern life, phone, phones, screen, sit, smartphone, tapping, technology, wild

• I regret to inform you that we must all once again figure out what to make for dinner tonight.

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  3 weeks ago

  again, cooking, daily, daily routine, decision, decision making, dinner, family, family life, figure, food, humor, i, inform, life, making, meal, meal planning, once, planning, regret, routine, tonight

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