Funny quotes list

22 Funny list quotes

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

2 months ago

They should release the Epstein list right before the Oscars.

2 months ago

Saw an article on “100 things to do before you die.” Was surprised Call 911 didn’t make the list.

3 months ago

Santa Claus isn’t real. Ain’t no man checking a list twice.

3 months ago

I’ve got the longest to-do list for today, just need to figure out who is going to do it.

3 months ago

Santa doesn’t check the naughty list anymore, he just checks social media.

3 months ago

I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

3 months ago

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

3 months ago

At the grocery store, but forgot my wife’s list so I guess I’ll just follow this other guy around and get what he gets.

3 months ago

There should be an Amazon driver at the Mall during the holidays so adults can sit on their lap and tell them what they want.

3 months ago

Adding “scroll for two hours” to my To-Do list, so I won’t do it.

3 months ago

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

3 months ago

Some of us better hope Santa doesn’t check social media, because if he does, all we’re getting for Christmas is therapy.

3 months ago

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

3 months ago

The Epstein client list but to the tune of Mambo number 5.

3 months ago

I like to describe the difference between theory and practice with shopping lists and receipts.

3 months ago

I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

3 months ago

The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

3 months ago

I have a huge to-do list, I just have to figure out who’s gonna do it.

3 months ago

This year I’d like an advent calendar with 24 different tranquilizers.

3 months ago