You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you lost was a normal pigeon. Posted on4 days ago
I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.” Posted on5 days ago
I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”. Posted on5 days ago
Apparently you’re not supposed to announce that there’s been a death in the family every time you kill a houseplant. Posted on6 days ago6 days ago
I just lost all my tabs. Only now do I understand the tragedy that was the burning of the Library of Alexandria. Posted on6 days ago
Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently? Posted on7 days ago
You can never really “own” earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together. Posted on1 week ago
I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down. Posted on1 week ago
I’ve been following this strict diet all week and so far all I’ve lost is my patience. Posted on1 week ago
Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again. Posted on1 week ago
Just once I’d like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal. Posted on1 week ago
Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious. Posted on2 weeks ago
Of all the things to lose why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind. Posted on2 weeks ago
People would be more motivated to lose weight if the weight they lost went on to someone they didn’t like. Posted on2 weeks ago2 weeks ago
Napping is the best activity for weight loss, because I can’t eat anything when I’m asleep! Posted on2 weeks ago
I’m on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle. Posted on2 weeks ago