Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: Me gasping and flipping off the vultures as they circle above the running track.

Commentary:
When life feels like a chaotic race and the vultures of stress and worries start circling above, just remember to channel your inner champion ➡️🦅 Give ‘em a gasp and a sassy flip-off like a true track star, and sprint towards that finish line with style! 🏃‍♂️🖕 #TrackAndFieldDrama
6 months ago
Share →: Me (seductively looking at a potato): would mash.

Commentary:
"Potato, oh potato, so symmetrical and round, would you like a little smash in town? 😏🥔 #SeductiveSpud"
6 months ago
Share →: Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

Commentary:
Me: Maybe it's the meatballs talking, but this IKEA store feels like a maze! 🤪🏠 IKEA Manager: Sir, that's the exit sign, not your personal apartment. 🤭🚪
6 months ago
Share →: Before you call me an idiot consider this: I know!

Commentary:
"Before you call me an idiot, just remember, it takes one to know one! 🤓💡 #SelfAwareness"
6 months ago
Share →: You want me to sit in the back seat? The thing that killed JFK?

Commentary:
Oh, so the back seat is the new Grassy Knoll now, huh? 🚗💥 Who would have thought a seating arrangement could be so controversial? 😂 Just watch out for any suspicious-looking umbrella holders, okay? ☂️ #BackSeatConspiracy
6 months ago
Share →: Kind of rude you didn’t wake me up before you went went.

Commentary:
🤣 "Oh, sorry for not sounding the alarm clock! You snooze, you lose, literally! Next time, I'll make sure to add a 'pre-wake-up' notification just for you. 🛌💤"
6 months ago
Share →: Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”

Commentary:
"Looks like both the nurse and life share a common agenda – always ready to add a little extra sting! 🩺😅 Hang in there, buddy! Life's just trying to keep you on your toes (and maybe in a bit of pain)! 💉😂"
6 months ago
Share →: When someone asks me if my twins are natural, I tell them no they’re robots.

Commentary:
"Are your twins natural?" 🤖 Oh, no no, they're actually state-of-the-art, fully-functional robots! 🤖👶🤖 Who needs natural when you have technological wonders at home? 🤣 #RoboticParenting #TwinsOrTerminators
6 months ago
Share →: It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.

Commentary:
"Getting ready is a skillful balancing act between mastering the art of procrastination for 45 minutes 💤 and then channeling your inner superhero for the mad dash in the final 15 minutes 🏃‍♀️⏰. Welcome to the magic show of 'how to transform from a sleepy sloth to a stylish ninja' in 60 minutes!"
6 months ago
Share →: I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

Commentary:
"Oh, what a wake-up call! 😅💀 Sounds like your dream decided to take things a bit too literally. Time to stretch, move around, and make sure all pieces are present and flexible, both physically and metaphorically!"