When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I've saved a million.”

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

Commentary:
"Bravo to this wheelie awesome individual! 🎉♿️ Who knew saving the world would come with a seating arrangement requirement? 😂💰 Keep rollin' towards that million, one wheel revolution at a time! 🌟🚲 #WheelchairWisdom"

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Commentary:
Looks like someone's breaking records in world-class exaggeration! 🌟🙈 Exaggeration level: Legendary. Accusation level: Off the charts! 😂 #ExaggerationGoals

Only thing that can cure my depression is $500 million.

Only thing that can cure my depression is $500 million.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone has found the perfect antidote for their blues! 💸 Who needs therapy when you have a fat bank account, am I right? 😜💰 #MoneyMood #CureForTheBlues"

I think something's missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

Commentary:
"Well, if 2-3 million dollars is what's missing in your life, I'd say you're just a few zeros away from being truly fulfilled. Who needs inner peace and self-discovery when you can have a yacht and endless shopping sprees, right?"

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say "I know it's hard, but you'll be okay. Here's a coffee and a million dollars."

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say “I know it’s hard, but you’ll be okay. Here’s a coffee and a million dollars.”

Commentary:
"If only all problems could be solved with a hug, coffee, and a million dollars! Who needs therapy when you've got caffeine and cash, right? Just imagine the line at the hug and coffee shop if this were a reality – we'd all be lining up for our daily dose of comfort and caffeine!"