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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Your child learning to say mommy is when your life begins and ends.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

If you ask him what he admires most about a woman and he says brains, you’ve got yourself a zombie.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

If you encounter a teenager out in the wild, be kind. They are the first generation of kids whose parents are cooler than they are.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

If my neighbors would just talk a little louder I could follow along with their conversation, but no. Rude.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

How silly of me to forget that I am the love of my life.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Whenever you feel like the world is falling apart, take a deep breath and remember you’re right.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Duolingo should have an “I’m going on holiday to this place very soon” setting so it teaches you “can I have the bill” and so on instead of “the cow boils an egg”.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Introducing two cats is tedium. Not interested in your dumb politics just lick each other and be normal already.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Accordion to current studies, 90% of you did not realize that this sentence started with a musical instrument.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

3,929

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

I’m busy watching the vegan couple next door arguing about the Big Mac wrapper I hid in their trash can.

Spotted on Slack:

Young people are too young nowadays. Back in the good old days, young people were my age.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

If you’re partying with your cousin and you’re asked if you’re related, “Our parents are siblings” will cause a lot of confusion.

Spotted on Reddit:

It’s so beautiful to see people just give up at work this time of year. I’m getting emails that do not include any complete sentences.

Spotted on Slack:

My bit for Thanksgiving is going to be constantly bringing up politics, but pronouncing every politician’s name slightly incorrectly.

Going viral on YouTube:

Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

Spotted on TikTok:

If you can figure out how to configure your default state to be slightly amused rather than slightly annoyed, you pretty much enter God Mode.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Honestly, how women are drawn in a manga is typically (though not always) a good clue for what demographic a manga series is.

Breaking via Twitch:

I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’ve been so stressed about getting my shit together that I haven’t gotten any of my shit together.

Home » Funny Screen Quotes

38 Funny screen quotes

Funny screen quotes 😂 are like little bursts of joy on your devices! They sneak in during movies 🎬, TV shows 📺, or even video games 🎮 to surprise you with laughter and wit. Perfect for sharing a giggle with friends or lifting your spirits on a dreary day, these memorable one-liners and zingers add a sprinkle of humor to everyday life. Ready to brighten up your screen time? Dive into the delightful world of funny screen quotes! 😄

New funny screen quotes 👇

The phone is the most evil screen. The computer is somewhat evil, but less so than the phone. The TV is benevolent.

0

3 weeks ago

benevolent, computer, evil, humor, less, most, phone, screen, technology, TV
Juggling screen time is the ultimate multitasking Olympics.

0

1 month ago

balance, humor, juggling, multitasking, Olympics, screen, screen time, technology, time
Asking a film guy, “Who is that?” when Tom Cruise comes on screen just to feel something.

0

2 months ago

actor, asking, cruise, feel, feeling, film, guy, humor, just, movie, question, screen, something, tom, Tom Cruise
Sometimes being on your phone all day is your destiny.

0

2 months ago

being, day, destiny, digital, digital life, humor, life, modern, modern life, phone, screen, screen time, sometimes, technology, time
You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

0

2 months ago

5, digital, digital etiquette, etiquette, home, humor, meeting, microsoft, Microsoft Teams, mouse, moving, never, office, online, online meeting, productivity, remote, remote work, say, screen, screen time, seconds, stop, Teams, time, virtual, virtual office, work, work from home, work humor
Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.

0

2 months ago

couch, day, day off, home, humor, i, leisure, procrastination, relaxation, screen, sit, stare, staycation, thinking, TV, wait, while, work
You better be kissing the screen when I send pics.

0

2 months ago

better, flirting, humor, i, joke, kissing, photos, pics, playful, screen, send, texting
Time to put the stressful screen away (phone) and switch to the comfort screen (Kindle).

0

2 months ago

away, comfort, detox, digital, digital detox, humor, Kindle, phone, put, reading, relaxation, relief, screen, stress, stress relief, switch, time
Phone addiction got so bad that watching a movie feels productive.

0

2 months ago

addiction, bad, dependence, distraction, feels, humor, movie, phone, phone addiction, productive, productivity, screen, screen time, tech, tech dependence, time, watching, watching movie
Trying to spend less time on my phone so I can get back to something I’ve loved since childhood: watching TV.

0

2 months ago

activity, back, childhood, distraction, entertainment, fun, fun activity, hobby, i, leisure, less, phone, screen, screen time, something, spend, time, trying, TV, watching

For even more funny screen quotes, hit next 👇

All funny screen quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

Peloton guy yelling “two more, one more” but it’s me eating Cheetos.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t want to end this year on bad terms with anybody. Could you please apologize to me?

67 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t know much, but I do know melancholia is a way cooler diagnosis than depression.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

No one tells you that the older you get, the more often you check your weather app.

89 shares on YouTube this month:

The most disturbing thing about waking up at 4 a.m. is realizing some people do this on purpose so they can exercise.

92 shares on Snapchat this month:

The internal struggle between wanting to be productive and just wanting to nap all day.

83 shares on Twitch this month:

Tupperware is a fun way to store your leftovers until you throw them away.

19 shares on Facebook this month:

Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked.

13 shares on Reddit this month:

No revenge, because I don’t even remember what happened.

77 shares on Slack this month:

I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m in my 20s, but somehow I’m 16 and also 55 at the same time.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I probably never die because I don’t finish anything without a specific deadline.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at the age where unnecessary noise be pissing me off.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I broke up with the gym. We were just not working out.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I am awake and ready to be disappointed.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Come on, karma, do your job.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is weird and then you die.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,826

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Asbestos? I’m doing asbestos I can.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Hey, you wanna come to a wedding with me? You could be the groom.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Do you ever stress about money, then accidentally order from Amazon?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like a cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Grape soda doesn’t taste at all like grapes, but it does taste like purple, and I don’t know how to explain that.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Sometimes people come into your life — and they need to stop doing that.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

I am at my Thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

I hate being around people who mistake my childlike wonder as naivety or weakness. I am simply a war general who loves to giggle.

Breaking via Messenger:

My trauma is between me and this bartender. The rest of you, mind your business.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I can’t believe I slept good all night. What a rush.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Making waves on Telegram:

I’m so single right now, I can’t even spell relayshaunship.

Shared recently on X:

Putting mental health before my education is a good idea until it affects my education, which affects my mental health, which affects my education.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

Just landed via Pinterest:

According to the smoke alarm, the food is ready.

Making waves on TikTok:

No need for a Halloween costume this year because there’s nothing scarier than being in your mid-20s and not knowing who you are or what you want to do anymore.

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