334 Funny someone quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Calling someone a “tough cookie” isn’t a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

  Commentary:
  "Let's face it, being called a tough cookie is like being handed a raisin cookie when you were hoping for a chocolate chip! 🍪😆 Tough cookies — more like 'crumble under pressure' cookies! #CookieTruths"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: On Twitter, you will always find someone who is tweeting your thoughts but with better grammar.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the perpetual struggle of finding your intellectual doppelgänger with impeccable syntax on Twitter 🤔💬. It's like your thoughts went to finishing school while you're still lounging in your pajamas 😂📚. #GrammarGoals #LostInTranslation"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Your ex is ruining someone else’s life now. You are safe.

  Commentary:
  "Remember, folks: Sometimes being single is a blessing in disguise! 😂🙌 Your ex may be off wrecking havoc elsewhere, but hey, at least you're out of the danger zone! Stay strong and unbothered, my friends! 💪😎 #DodgedABullet"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew finding love could be just a matter of adjusting the thermostat? 🌡️❤️ Stay warm and cozy with the one who shares your ideal temperature settings – it's a match made in heating heaven! 🔥😄"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Anyone got any good sins for someone just getting into sinning?

  Commentary:
  "Starting your sinning journey, huh? 🍷 Let's start with classics like eating the last slice of pizza and not sharing, or binge-watching Netflix instead of being productive. Remember, sinning responsibly is the key! 😈 #SinsForBeginners"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Someone asked me what my hobby was and I realized that my favorite hobby is doing absolutely nothing.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the exquisite art of productive idleness! 🤹‍♂️ Embracing the Zen master within while also mastering the skill of couch potato-ing. 🥔💤 Who knew that the most fulfilling hobby could be found in the magnificent abyss of nothingness? Time well spent doing… nothing! 🌟 #MasterOfInaction

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  5 months ago

  Share →: My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

  Commentary:
  "If only our wishes had monetary value! 😂 Imagine the joy of being rich and literally **showered** in cash, but hey, maybe being left alone afterward is the real treasure 🤑💸 #FantasyGoals"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If I met someone like me, I’d be really concerned for them.

  Commentary:
  "Meeting someone just like me? That's a recipe for disaster! 🤪🤔 Better steer clear or risk a full-blown existential crisis! 😂 #DoubleTrouble"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: You misunderstood me. I said I was a “bawler,” not a “baller.” You know, someone who cries a lot.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the classic mix-up between being a 'bawler' and a 'baller'! 😂 It takes real talent to excel at crying instead of shooting hoops. 🏀💦 Just remember, tears can be just as competitive as basketball – especially during dramatic movie scenes! 😭

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Blocking someone isn’t enough, I also want them to get lice.

  Commentary:
  "Blocking someone is like putting up a 'do not disturb' sign in your life, but wishing them lice is taking it to a whole new level of petty revenge! 🙅‍♂️🦠😂"

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