18 Funny theft quotes

• Over Christmas, some bastard has snuck into my house, gone into my wardrobe, stolen my work trousers, and replaced them with a smaller pair.

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  4 weeks ago

  Christmas, clothing, gone, holiday, house, humor, over, pair, smaller, stolen, surprise, theft, trouser, wardrobe, work, work trouser

• If they stole your post, they probably need it more than you do.

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  4 weeks ago

  empathy, humor, need, perspective, post, posts, sharing, stole, theft

• If I ever find out who stole my identity, I’ll pay all their debts and ruin their credit score just for fun.

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  4 weeks ago

  activity, credit, credit score, ever, financial, fun, fun activity, humor, i, identity, identity theft, just, justice, mischievous, pay, prank, revenge, ruin, sarcasm, score, stole, theft

• Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

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  4 weeks ago

  bathroom, bathroom break, break, company, company time, humor, office, office supply, procrastination, steal, supply, take, theft, time, why, work, work humor, workplace, workplace humor

• They can steal your recipe, but the sauce won’t taste the same.

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  4 weeks ago

  betrayal, cooking, flavor, food, humor, kitchen, recipe, same, sauce, steal, taste, theft

• What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

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  4 weeks ago

  annoying, annoying toy, children’s toy, children’s, Christmas, Christmas joke, evil, evil Santa, holiday, holiday humor, humor, joke, most, need, Santa, theft, toy, toy theft, toys

• I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

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  4 weeks ago

  compensation, deserve, ever, humor, i, me, pay, percentage, stole, swag, theft

• “It’s the most wonderful crime of the year!” I crooned running away with the pot of Santa’s donations.

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  1 month ago

  away, crime, donations, holiday, humor, i, most, pot, running, Santa, theft, wonderful, year

• Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.

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  1 month ago

  back, change, daylight, daylight saving, earlier, hour, humor, joke, nice, sarcasm, saving, stole, theft, time, year

• To whoever stole my oversized clock, you owe me big time.

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  1 month ago

  big, clock, humor, joke, me, oversized, payback, pun, stole, theft, time

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