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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Sometimes I don’t worry about things at all and other times I am awake.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Sorry, I liked your post one second after you posted it but in my defense, I’ve had my phone in my hand since 2012.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

That awkward moment, when all eyes are on the bride, but your son is the groom.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Men tell you “I know a place” and bring you to the brink of madness.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

You don’t need fun to have alcohol.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

I still make time for all my favorite hobbies, like drinking, swearing, and making people feel uncomfortable.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

I just wish I had the confidence of my husband who thinks everything only takes 5 minutes.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I’m going to be real with you. My dinners lately are just sort of me throwing things into a pot like a witch in a cartoon.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2142 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,304

Funny Quotes Topics

15,031

Funny Quotes Images

12,304

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,446

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

I sign all anniversary cards with ‘Way to commit to the bit!’

Freshly posted on YouTube:

One day you’ll find someone who’s obsessed with you. It’ll probably be a demon but that’s what it is.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Everyone’s an empath until I need to borrow some cash.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I want a pet eagle that’s trained to steal people’s sandwiches for me.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Sometimes I look deep into my colleagues’ eyes to check if you really can’t see the back of their skulls.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Don’t be sad, laundry, nobody’s doing me either.

Trending via Discord:

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

Spotted on Threads:

I haven’t worn a trench coat since a random man in his 60s said to me “what are you looking for, detective?”

Home » Funny Thing Quotes » Page 3

259 Funny thing quotes

More funny thing quotes 👇

4 days ago
Share →: The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

Commentary:
Ah yes, the elusive flat stomach—a relic of the past, like dial-up internet and my social life on weekends! 🍕😂📉
4 days ago
Share →: Coughing has finally overtaken speaking Arabic as the most taboo thing to do in an airport.

Commentary:
Coughing in an airport is like playing a game of 'Who Wants to Be Socially Isolated?' 😂🛫🤧
4 days ago
Share →: The funniest thing I heard an elder say, “My generation had Wonder Woman, your generation has to wonder if it’s a woman.”

Commentary:
When it comes to superheroes, our generation's got more plot twists than a comic book! 😂🦸‍♀️🔍
4 days ago
Share →: I’m at the age where the first thing I do when I get somewhere is look for a place to sit.

Commentary:
Same here! My knees crack like they're trying to join the conversation 😂🪑
4 days ago
Share →: No Botox. I need to furrow my brow when people say dumb things.

Commentary:
Guess I'll be keeping my natural forehead wrinkles—how else will I express my disbelief at life's endless supply of ridiculousness? 🤨😂
5 days ago
Share →: I hate when someone you love says mean things like, “It’s time to wake up.”

Commentary:
When your alarm clock turns into your arch-nemesis, betrayal level 100 😂⏰😴
5 days ago
Share →: My favourite adult hack is when I carefully and thoughtfully put something very important away so I can’t lose it, and then I never find it again.

Commentary:
Ah, the classic 'hide-and-seek' technique: expert at hiding, pro at never seeking! 🕵️‍♀️🔍😂
6 days ago
Share →: My favorite thing to do on the weekend is not leave my house.

Commentary:
Same here! I'm all about those adventures from the couch with "Netflix and definitely no chill" 🛋️📺😴
6 days ago
Share →: Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

Commentary:
Lucifer finally asking for advice? Next, you'll tell me cats are forming committees. 😈🐈‍⬛📚
6 days ago
Share →: Guys with grey in their beards will do that thing you like.

Commentary:
Beard wisdom: 50% charm, 50% pure magic! 🌟🧔😆

For even more funny thing quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

The best part of my kid graduating was unsubscribing from the school’s text messages.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Can I come over and crawl around on you like a bug?

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Nobody flirts better than a girl with zero interest.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Memories are a bit fuzzy – but regrets? They’re in 8K and Dolby Vision.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Men become instantly more attractive when they wear aviators; it’s science.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

My dog pisses on every election sign regardless of political party so I have no idea who he is voting for.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

They should invent health insurance that insures your health.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

One of the hardest things to do as an adult is to go back to work after a long weekend.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

It’s not magic, but I bet you are reading this post with one leg on top of the other.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I honestly have no idea what a vitamin is. It’s in a banana but it’s also the sun? Sure.

Shared recently on Slack:

The weather forecast should include the percentage of answers blowing in the wind.

Shared recently on X:

Life is just resetting your password until you die.

Making waves on Twitch:

You’re all using your crystals wrong. Put them in a sock and start swinging.

Going viral on Threads:

What’s the opposite of FOMO? The feeling of knowing you made the right decision not going somewhere once you see or hear dispatches from it.

Shared recently on Facebook:

They are all liars, so just pick the tallest and enjoy.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

Going viral on X:

At this point making life choices involves liquor and a dart board.

Spotted on YouTube:

Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

259 Funny thing quotes

More funny thing quotes 👇

For even more funny thing quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny thing quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

You can either have a nice evening or you can help your child with their math homework. You can’t have both.

I can’t stop thinking about how a tanning bed really turns you into the human version of a gas station hot dog.

Cars should come with a secondary smaller “sorry” horn for when you do something a lil silly by accident.

If I turned into a “teen wolf”, my first order of business would definitely be helping my basketball team get to the local championships.

If you push your belly button and nose at the same time, your brain takes a screenshot.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

When someone asks me if my twins are natural, I tell them no they’re robots.

If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

January feels like a schizophrenic episode.

Dear sleep, I’m sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back!

Old and bitter feels much better than I thought it would.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Caffeine: the adult version of fairy dust.

Thanks for leaving my door open; I was running low on houseflies.

Imagine hearing the ice cream truck music, but at night.

If you ever find yourself mad at me, put a cape on so you can be super mad.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Why does it take 5-7 days to refund me when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out?

There is no ‘we’ in ‘food’.

I was told to be more optimistic so I’ve decided french fries aren’t bad for me.

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