Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Remember: when a band skips your city on tour, it is always personal and they always hate you specifically.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

I’ve asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Getting up early would be easier if we could keep our eyes closed.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Spongebob wouldn’t even mess with some of y’all. But he’d hang out with me because my heart is pure, and I like to laugh a lot.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Sometimes I say “huh,” then answer the question before you can repeat your question.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

I wish I could throw tomatoes at comments.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Butterflies all seem so nice but I’ll bet some of them are real bastards.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Just cleaned out my junk drawer if anyone needs a CD to reinstall Windows 95.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

Users Online

3,732

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

Need a permanent vacuum for unwanted thoughts.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

Spotted on Threads:

The empty spot in your bed is for snacks, not liars.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

Just shared via Twitch:

Whenever my Mother-in-Law’s stories end with “And I turned out OK” I’m looking around like who’s gonna tell her.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

The holidays may be over by my work ethic is still out of the office.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Anyone want to fall in love and split rent?

Going viral on Discord:

The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

Trending via Snapchat:

“I’m not ordering fries, I’ll just eat some of yours!” -Former friends of mine

Making waves on Pinterest:

My sleeping pattern ain’t even a pattern anymore, it’s a freestyle that’s on shuffle.

More funny quotes 👇

Another customer getting a haircut started talking to my barber. Please don’t talk to my barber. You have your own.

0

2 weeks ago

another, barber, conversation, customer, etiquette, getting, haircut, humor, own, please, social, social etiquette, started, talk, talking
At least life has music.

0

2 weeks ago

humor, least, life, music, positivity
Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always known I wanted to be a woman with a lot of money when I grew up.

0

2 weeks ago

always, ambition, aspiration, childhood, ever, girl, humor, i, little, lot, money, wanted, woman
Is anyone else really scared for how stupid and illiterate the next generations are gonna be?

0

2 weeks ago

anyone, concern, education, else, fear, future, generation, generations, illiteracy, illiterate, next, scared, stupid, stupidity, youth
Turns out I am the autistic one at “movie night,” who thought you’re supposed to actually watch the movie.

0

2 weeks ago

actually, am, autism, gathering, humor, i, misunderstanding, movie, movie night, night, social, social gathering, thought, watch, watching, watching movie
I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them.

0

2 weeks ago

choice, choices, humor, i, marriage, question, relationship, self-deprecation, wife
I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

0

2 weeks ago

afford, budget, calculation, December, finance, holiday, holiday spending, humor, i, money, only, pray, prayer, spending
Full-time employment will have you making lists of thoughts to think.

0

2 weeks ago

employment, full-time, humor, job, list, lists, load, making, mental, mental load, productivity, think, thinking, thought, thoughts, work
One of the main reasons to drink tea is because you can say, ‘Let me put the kettle on,’ and stuff like that.

0

2 weeks ago

casual, casual conversation, conversation, drink, humor, kettle, let, main, me, phrase, put, reasons, say, stuff, tea
Yes, we absolutely can push our meeting to sometime after the new year, or mid-March, or the year after next, or never.

0

2 weeks ago

absolutely, after, delay, humor, management, meeting, never, new, next, procrastination, push, sarcasm, scheduling, time, time management, year, yes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on Twitch this month:

Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

78 shares on Threads this month:

One of the kids said, “Camping looks fun,” so tonight we’re watching The Revenant.

50 shares on Slack this month:

Peloton guy yelling “two more, one more” but it’s me eating Cheetos.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

I really hope that I look like the mirror version of me, and not the camera version.

25 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My kids have been joking for weeks about a new Pokémon called Puke-Achu and then they got the stomach flu and brought it to life.

71 shares on Pinterest this month:

I thought my friends in their 60s were making love in the other room but they were just putting on their socks.

60 shares on TikTok this month:

Human stupidity exists because if everyone were smart, we’d have no one to laugh at on the internet.

52 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Music just makes living on this earth a little bit more bearable.

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

I always tell my kids that it’s okay to make mistakes just as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.

69 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m not exaggerating when I say, if I ever clogged a toilet at work, I would immediately quit, change my name, and then move to a different city.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Hug your children as often as you can. They can’t break things during this time.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

You can tell you’re getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Not gonna lie, toddlers absolutely nailed it with naps, buttered noodles, and rejecting authority.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

People who shower at night are bold enough to assume tomorrow’s even happening.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

I can usually cope with the opinions of others because I don’t listen.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Dudes be named Will but won’t.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

How to write complaints: “Dear customer service, first of all, you should know that I am typing this with my middle finger.”

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Messenger:

My first mistake of my life was my birth.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I’m sorry I didn’t text you back. I’m really busy watching the The Lord of The Rings in the form of mini clips on TikTok.

Spotted on Slack:

It’s weird that Usher doesn’t have any songs about showing people to their seats.

Seen just now on Telegram:

There’s nothing more satisfying than the little nap you have after hitting snooze on your alarm.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

Going viral on Slack:

My neighbor is having some kind of party and didn’t invite me. I guess I have to call the cops again.

Spotted on Twitch:

Terrible economy to ask a girl what’s wrong.

Just landed via Facebook:

Everyone’s a gangster until the grocery store switches their aisles around.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

Activity Log ✨

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨