A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

Commentary:
Boy, time flies when you're having fun! Can't believe I missed my 229th birthday bash. 🎉🧓🗼

I know so many people with cats, and only a tiny number of them went to a shelter and picked out a cat. Everyone else I know with a cat has a story that’s like, ‘Yeah, he just moved in.’

Commentary:
When the cats get better realtor deals than you 🏠🐈😸

If she forgives you, then 30 minutes later comes back mad again: that means she told her friends in her group chat, and the board of directors did not agree.

Commentary:
Sounds like the board had an emergency meeting and voted unanimously for more drama! 😂👩‍⚖️📱🎭

Tons of names in my phones are “Kenny Landlord,” “Mike Electric,” or “Pete Do Not Answer,” and I just realized this is how Anglo surnames have always worked.

Commentary:
Looks like my contact list is a secret genealogy of modern professions and eternal warnings! 📞😂🔌❌

Watching my wife absolutely hate my daughter’s boyfriend while being nice and hospitable to him has made me question every interaction I’ve had with another human being in my life.

Commentary:
When you've been looking through rose-colored glasses your whole life but suddenly realize they were actually fogged up lenses 😂😅 #LifeLessons #MomSkills 👀🍸