Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Nobody will know you’re stoned if you’re always stoned.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

What part of “I don’t want to spend any more money” don’t I understand?

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

“Thug life,” I whisper to myself as I check out my sunglasses in the mirror.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Sorry for my bad behavior. Mercury is in gatorade or whatever.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

They should make the last foot of dental floss red so you know when you’re about to run out.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Dating app that matches you based on your risk tolerance for airport arrival timing.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

I am like the weather. Temporarily friendly.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

Users Online

3,855

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

I don’t always clear my calculator… but when I do, I hit both ‘C’ and ‘CE’ a bunch of times because I don’t know exactly what they do.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

“Well at least I don’t have to wake up any more.” Is what I want my tombstone to say.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

All my small talk is done with a car horn.

Going bananas on Facebook:

It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

Trending via WeChat:

It’s funny how it’s often easier to access academic resources illegally, even when you have university library access.

Spotted on Telegram:

Netflix will help you finish the name of the movie you’re typing, and then tell you they don’t have it.

Just shared via Reddit:

You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Still writing the old year on all my ransom notes.

Live now on Facebook:

Let’s all be grateful for a moment that stupidity is not contagious.

Making waves on Telegram:

I know you miss me. The tarot lady on TikTok just told me.

More funny quotes 👇

Phone dry, no food in the house, I keep dying in my game. I’m such a loser.

0

4 days ago

boredom, dry, dying, food, frustration, game, gaming, house, humor, hunger, i, keep, loser, losing, phone
Nothing ruins an introvert’s day like a 4 p.m. appointment.

0

4 days ago

4, 4 p.m., appointment, day, introvert, nothing, p.m., ruin, ruins
Why do humans need jobs? Why can’t I just exist and make art and chill with my cat?

0

4 days ago

art, cat, chill, exist, existence, human, humans, i, job, jobs, just, need, relaxation, why
Believing that pharmaceutical companies want to heal you is like believing a casino wants you to win.

0

4 days ago

business, business motive, care, casino, company, gambling, heal, healing, health, health care, irony, motive, pharmaceutical, pharmaceutical company, skepticism, trust, want, wants, win, winning
Goodnight Outlook, goodnight Teams, goodnight Zoom.

0

4 days ago

call, communication, goodnight, humor, meeting, office, office humor, outlook, remote, remote work, Teams, technology, video, video call, virtual, virtual meeting, work, Zoom
Grocery stores should have baskets in the middle of the store for those “I really overestimated how much I can carry” moments.

0

4 days ago

basket, carry, carrying, convenience, grocery, grocery store, humor, i, middle, moments, much, overestimate, shopping, should, store, stores
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.

0

4 days ago

Christmas, Christmas story, everyone, favorite, favorite story, humor, hypocrisy, need, red-nosed, Red-Nosed Reindeer, reindeer, Rudolph, sarcasm, selfishness, shit, something, story, treatment, treats
Songs discovered from movies are usually a masterpiece.

0

4 days ago

discovery, humor, masterpiece, movie, song, songs
Born to be a hater, forced to understand your perspective.

0

4 days ago

attitude, born, forced, hater, humor, irony, perspective, understand, understanding
If you’re out shopping this week, be nice to the retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited to shop until Mary’s water broke.

0

4 days ago

broke, childbirth, customer, customer service, emergency, fault, humor, last, last minute, minute, nice, pregnancy, procrastination, retail, retail worker, service, shop, shopping, water, week, worker

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Messenger this month:

“Treat yourself. You deserve it,” she says while adding the shoes to her cart.

38 shares on Pinterest this month:

Showers are the best places to lose arguments with yourself.

76 shares on Discord this month:

“Thug life,” I whisper to myself as I check out my sunglasses in the mirror.

10 shares on Twitch this month:

Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

21 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Shoulda named my daughter Calculus cause damn she’s complicated.

27 shares on Messenger this month:

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

29 shares on Twitch this month:

Being complimented by a girl in public is like getting kissed by an angel.

15 shares on Snapchat this month:

Bartenders be like “here’s that receipt, I’ll go ahead and put it on the wettest part of the bar”.

97 shares on X this month:

I’m like a semicolon, most people don’t know what to do with me.

42 shares on Twitch this month:

I never forget to eat, but I do eat to forget.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

It’s important to fuel your body with essential nutrients, which can be found in cookies, chips, and candy.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

The sole purpose of your child’s middle name… is so they know when they’re really in trouble.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

First date idea: I lean in close and surprise you with a wet willy.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

I suspect that you don’t lose weight during sport because of the exercise, but because you can’t eat anything during this time.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

I heard you like bad girls. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Hey boy, are you my washing machine? Because neither of you know how long 10 minutes last.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

At my age, I see no good reason to act my age.

Live now on Snapchat:

So single the neighborhood cats make ME dinner.

Seen just now on Threads:

My toxic trait is that I expect people to have common sense, and I get mad when they don’t.

Making waves on Threads:

Autocorrect is like a tiny person inside your phone that sometimes gets drunk and says the dumbest things.

Breaking via Threads:

After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

Spotted on Snapchat:

If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Tom and Jerry fooled me into thinking dogs bullied cats when it’s the opposite in reality.

Making waves on Telegram:

Everyone’s gangsta until they spot a double rainbow in the sky.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Somebody somewhere today don’t know it’s their last day with all 10 fingers.

Activity Log ✨

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨