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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

When life gives you lemons, take the lemons. They were a gift. Maybe life thought you liked lemons. Did you think about that? No, you’re always thinking about yourself.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

This year has gone by so quick. Christmas is basically tomorrow.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Can I be speaker? I’m pretty good at saying a lot without saying anything at all.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Nobody knows my next move. Not even me.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

No rizz, just pretty eyes and many unsettling things to say.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

You ever want someone so bad it pisses you off a little.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Hello 911? Yes, my wife is forcing me to walk over to meet the neighbors.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

If there’s one thing we can trust, it’s billionaires.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,891

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

Just landed via YouTube:

You know what part I love about waking up? None of it. Let me sleep!

Just landed via X:

I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

Just shared via Messenger:

Kid, I have jeans older than you.

Trending via Telegram:

Amazon’s checkout needs a breathalyzer feature which cancels your order if you’ve been clearly drunk-shopping.

Spotted on Slack:

Sorry I lied when I said “I can’t complain.”

Freshly posted on Slack:

A good hack to make my house look clean and tidy in the evening is to turn all the lights off.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

My therapist said this to me, and it hit me like a brick: “They’re not your friends if they disagree with you or try to challenge you.”

Shared recently on Facebook:

Oxygen was discovered in 1773. How did our ancestors breathe before then?

Making waves on Reddit:

I wasn’t feeling well so I googled my symptoms. I either have allergies or I died two days ago.

Random Funny Quotes

Random funny quotes to crack you up. 😎✌️

Random funny quotes 👇

Told my girlfriend that Mum is deaf, so speak loud and slow. Also told Mum that my girlfriend has special needs.

0

3 months ago

communication, deaf, family, girlfriend, humor, loud, misunderstanding, mum, need, needs, relationship, slow, speak, special, special need, told
People who accuse me of delusions of grandeur, obviously don’t worship me enough.

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4 months ago

accusation, accuse, arrogance, delusion, enough, grandeur, humor, me, people, sarcasm, self-confidence, worship
Imagine hating me and i’m just over here doing a much better job at hating myself than any of y’all could do.

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2 months ago

better, confidence, doing, hate, here, humor, imagine, irony, job, just, me, much, myself, over, sarcasm, self-hate, self-improvement
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.

0

2 months ago

animals, drunk, duck, humor, observation, talk, talking, walks
Heard a recording of my own voice, and now I can never speak again.

0

2 months ago

again, awkwardness, embarrassment, humor, i, never, own, recording, self-deprecating, speak, speech, voice
Sorry, I’m late. I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.

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2 months ago

around, carefree, ease, excuse, humor, humorous, humorous excuse, i, imagination, late, lateness, mind, relaxation, relief, sorry, stress, stress relief, travel, troubled, walk, wandering, world
When you want to key his car, but he doesn’t have one, so you bend his bus pass.

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2 months ago

bus, bus pass, car, conflict, frustration, humor, key, pass, prank, relationship, revenge, want
I eat posts like yours for breakfast.

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2 months ago

banter, breakfast, eat, eating, humor, i, jokes, posts, sarcasm, witty, yours
Nature is fascinating. A dandelion makes it through concrete, while I get my head stuck in my sweater in the morning.

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2 months ago

comparison, concrete, dandelion, head, humor, i, life, morning, nature, resilience, struggle, sweater
Messages are way funnier when you know how the person talks.

0

2 months ago

communication, conversation, funnier, humor, interaction, know, messages, person, social, social interaction, texting, understanding

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on TikTok this month:

Everybody thinks “Free Hugs” signs are cute, unless you’re a boa constrictor.

97 shares on Twitch this month:

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I probably think this song is about me.

74 shares on Snapchat this month:

Since I started following the wisdom of ancient Chinese philosopher Fuk Yu, my life has been so much better…

15 shares on Telegram this month:

The first bowl of cereal makes you want a second, but the second makes you wish you stopped at the first.

81 shares on Discord this month:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. I’m more interested in seeing your Pornhub Wrapped.

44 shares on Discord this month:

If anything I post makes you mad, just know that it pleases me.

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

My most boomer complaint is that nobody knows how to bring an item out of courtesy to parties anymore.

94 shares on YouTube this month:

These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

26 shares on X this month:

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Trying to spend less time on my phone so I can get back to something I’ve loved since childhood: watching TV.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Never meeting another person again, so if I know you already, congrats!

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Every outdoor cat should be given a little cowboy hat and a gun.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

“How am I supposed to avoid Al when I’ve procrastinated on a paper?” With a night full of caffeine and nicotine like your forefathers, you babies.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Noise-canceling headphones aren’t enough, I need everyone to shut up.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

I can’t wait until my kids have a place of their own so I can come barging through their door and say “what’s for dinner? I don’t like that. Can you give me money for McDonald’s?”

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Eternal Sunshine of the Thotless Grind.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

If you’re a dude and you’re having a bad day, just remember, no one cares.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

You can’t hurt me. You’re not how I look first thing in the morning.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

I never give second chances, just 10 and then goodbye.

Social Media Log 💫

Activity Log ✨

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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