Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

It’s the weekend, so naturally, I’m going to spend 48 hours doing nothing, and still be exhausted.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

My favourite adult hack is when I carefully and thoughtfully put something very important away so I can’t lose it, and then I never find it again.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Who’s going to run in movies when Tom Cruise retires?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Stop asking people over 40 what we like to do for fun. You’re not gonna like the answer.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

My kids acting shocked there’s ants in my car like they’re not Hansel and Gretel leaving bloody crumb trails.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

I’m not a perfectionist. I’m more of a good-enoughist.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,358

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Instagram:

My morning routine consists of talking myself out of quitting my job.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Fun fact: The confetti you’ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

Making waves on Pinterest:

This summer went by so fast, I didn’t even get a chance to lose any weight.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Shuffling into the kitchen in a robe Sunday morning to change the clock on the microwave is the lamest form of time travel ever.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

Just landed via Facebook:

Most people don’t listen at all, they just wait until they can continue talking.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Two of the best things in life are laughing and orgasms. I want to make you do both a lot.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I get it dogs, I wish I could also bark at strangers approaching my house.

Trending via Discord:

Introverts have fun, too — we just don’t care if you know.

40 Funny calling quotes

Funny calling quotes 📞😂 bring a burst of laughter to those everyday phone moments we all know too well! Whether it’s missed calls, awkward conversations, or endless voicemail battles, these witty lines turn the ordinary ring-ring into pure comedy gold 🎉🤣. Ready to smile next time your phone buzzes? Let’s dive into some hilarious takes that’ll make you rethink every call you make or receive! 📱😄

New funny calling quotes 👇

They’re calling me the unemployee of the month.

1 week ago

calling, employee, humor, joke, me, month, unemployee, unemployment, work
Calling women “bro” to make sure they know they’re in the deepest trenches of the friend zone.

1 week ago

bro, calling, friend, friend zone, humor, know, relationship, slang, sure, trench, women, zone
A girl hating you is a million times better than her calling you a ‘nice guy’.

1 week ago

better, calling, dating, girl, guy, hate, humor, insult, million, nice, nice guy, relationship, times
Can’t. Calling out some bullshitters on some bullshit.

1 week ago

blunt, bullshit, calling, calling out, honesty, humor, sarcasm
Clicked on ‘Make a reservation’ on a restaurant’s page, and it opened FaceTime and started calling them. I cannot stress enough how much I do not want that to happen.

1 week ago

app, app glitch, awkward, awkward moment, call, calling, enough, experience, Facetime, fail, funny incident, glitch, happen, i, incident, moment, much, page, reservation, restaurant, restaurants, started, stress, technology, technology fail, user, user experience, want
Calling a lobotomy a “lobobo” to fit in with Gen Z.

1 week ago

brain, calling, fit, gen, Gen Z, health, humor, language, lobobo, lobotomy, meme, mental, mental health, slang, z
There is nothing worse in life than calling customer service and hearing an Indian accent.

1 week ago

accent, call, calling, communication, customer, customer service, frustration, hearing, indian, life, nothing, phone, phone call, service, stereotype, worse
I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

1 week ago

calling, complaint, dog, dogs, glizzy, hate, hot, hot dog, humor, i, know, language, need, people, slang, stop
None of the parenting books say what to do when your kids start calling you ‘Bruh.’

1 week ago

book, books, bruh, calling, family, humor, kid, kids, language, none, parenting, say, slang, start
Calling it a situationship, and the whole time, the situation is that they don’t want you.

1 week ago

calling, dating, humor, love, rejection, relationship, sarcasm, situation, situationship, time, unrequited, unrequited love, want, whole

For even more funny calling quotes, hit next 👇

All funny calling quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on Twitch this month:

A narcissist wants the authority of a king while having the accountability of a toddler.

69 shares on Facebook this month:

Might make a living will because I don’t want my family deciding whether to pull the plug. My dad has a long history of being against wasting electricity.

49 shares on TikTok this month:

Roses are red, violets are blue. Your parents are very disappointed in you.

19 shares on YouTube this month:

They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything, and all you can think is: “Act normal, you are innocent.”

40 shares on Twitch this month:

Offering friendship as a consolation prize for a failed romantic connection attempt is absolutely cruel.

41 shares on Reddit this month:

Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

45 shares on Pinterest this month:

Being sexy is just the cherry on top. I’m actually a genius and the sweetest girl ever.

16 shares on Reddit this month:

Life sucks. One day you have tiramisu, and then most other days you don’t. I hate that.

76 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A McRib killed my tapeworm.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

“There’s a particular type of insufferability that rich people from poor countries have, that I don’t yet fully know how to verbalize.”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My five-year plan is to get back my whimsy, joy, childlike wonder.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t. Typing a password into a TV.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t interrupt me while I’m embarrassing myself.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is weird and then you die.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I thought being an adult meant cake for breakfast, not budgeting for therapy.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing limiting what you can put in a sandwich is your imagination and the laws of physics.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Please try to schedule meetings around my need for attention.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I had 99 problems but getting divorced solved 98 of them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,386

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

It’s so peaceful when you have no interest in other people’s business.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

What’s a good career for people with no motivation or talent?

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Been acting really busy today because I can tell my coworker wants to talk about something in his personal life.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

You should leave your comfort zone and come to mine instead.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

I just need my friends to know I would do absolutely anything for them, except reply to their message.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

If bugs could talk, they would probably say things like, “What the bug?”

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I need to drink less water. This peeing situation is out of control.

Trending via Threads:

Not to brag but I am evidence of things unseen.

Just shared via Discord:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m never sending you nudes again.

Spotted on Reddit:

Pyjamas straight off a hot radiator is a winner. Damn, I’m old.

Live now on Discord:

“Bluetooth or Insane?” is a fun game we all play when we see a lone person speaking out loud in public.

Spotted on Reddit:

When I was a kid, there were two ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I don’t like people who take drugs, for example: airport security.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴