Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

41 Funny couple quotes

Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

3 months ago

What I’ve learned in all these years of marriage is how to open a bottle of beer silently.

3 months ago

Just spent a couple seconds concerned about the sounds my stomach was making before realizing it was a motorcycle outside.

3 months ago

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

3 months ago

They should invent a Sunday that’s longer than a couple of minutes.

3 months ago

I have consumed so much potato salad the last couple of days, I’m sweating mayo.

3 months ago

You should be able to google why a couple broke up.

3 months ago

Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store.

3 months ago

Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.

3 months ago

Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

3 months ago

No one comes off looking worse than the third party who was asked to interfere in a couple fight.

3 months ago

Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

3 months ago

Sometimes after sex, I wonder what it would be like to have sex as a couple.

3 months ago

Engagement photo shoots are so funny as a concept. Like girl, we believed you.

3 months ago

Date idea: We watch Breaking Bad and break your bed.

3 months ago

Spent the day decorating the house for Christmas and my wife spent the day re-decorating the house for Christmas.

3 months ago

I’ve got a couple of eyebrow hairs that want me to be a villain.

3 months ago

Gave my family the wrong address for our beach rental. Hoping to get a couple days in before they find me.

3 months ago

Being married means mostly shouting “What?” from other rooms.

3 months ago

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

3 months ago