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18 Funny domestic life quotes

The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do the dishes.

1 month ago

My OnlyFans is just me loading the dishwasher correctly.

1 month ago

Kinda sucks that the prize for washing your laundry is getting to fold your laundry.

1 month ago

People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

2 months ago

Unloading the dishwasher in the opposite direction just to feel something.

3 months ago

After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.

3 months ago

One day my kids will move out and discover the dishes don’t clean themselves and I feel for them. I really do.

3 months ago

The term “domestic housewife” implies the existence of a feral housewife and that is what I aspire to be.

3 months ago

Dear women, when you’re not around we load the dishwasher properly.

3 months ago

Shuffling into the kitchen in a robe Sunday morning to change the clock on the microwave is the lamest form of time travel ever.

3 months ago

I told my wife the laundry on the couch ain’t gonna fold itself, so if y’all don’t hear from me later, she probably folded me like an omelet.

3 months ago

My wife refuses to hire a housekeeper because she doesn’t want them to see this mess.

3 months ago

Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

3 months ago

Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

3 months ago

“You don’t load the dishwasher right,” I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.

3 months ago

As a wife and mother my hobbies include rage cleaning, rage cooking, and rage folding.

3 months ago

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

3 months ago

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

3 months ago