80 Funny drinking quotes

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  4 months ago

  View →: Polar bears drinking Coca Cola is my favorite holiday vibe.
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  4 months ago

  View →: My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I can turn wine into water about two hours after drinking it. Checkmate Jesus.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Sorry that I cannot come out drinking with you tonight, as I will be drinking at home. Alone. By myself.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Someone asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. 30 minutes was not the right answer.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I’m only drinking a lot of beer tonight because I need the room in the fridge.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Drinking through a straw is the opposite of snorkeling.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I’m not climbing a hill if I’m dying. That sounds terrible. I’ll die on this chair. Drinking orange Fanta.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Surely, this is the hangover that will teach me my lesson.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I need a browser plugin that disables Amazon when I’m drinking. Hashtag: don’t drink and Prime.
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  4 months ago

  View →: A web developer and an SEO expert walk into a bar, bars, nightclub, pubs, tavern, beer, alcohol, drinks, alcoholic beverages, bars in my area, places to drink.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.
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  4 months ago

  View →: That was the last cup of coffee in my life. From tomorrow I’ll be drinking straight from the pot.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Dry January is so funny. People are like, “How can I make the worst month of the year even worse?”
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  4 months ago

  View →: Yeah, I have a drinking problem. It’s called dehydration.
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  4 months ago

  View →: As a teen: secretly drinking in the park with friends. As an adult: secretly drinking in the park with squirrels.
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  4 months ago

  View →: So apparently it’s still a DUI even if you’re the birthday boy.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Just gonna drink light beers today, because I don’t wanna get drunk but I do enjoy peeing 30 times.
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  4 months ago

  View →: 20’s: what even is a hangover? 40’s: puts on sunglasses to open fridge…
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  4 months ago

  View →: Coke Zero sounds like a government pledge to eliminate fizzy drinks by 2030.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Every day Facebook tells me I have memories and wants to show them to me. It’s like they have no appreciation for the cost or the amount of liquor I needed to erase them.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I’m not drinking 2% milk until we figure out what the other 98% is.
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  4 months ago

  View →: If your kids aren’t drinking enough water, tell them it’s bedtime.
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  4 months ago

  View →: If you occasionally blow on your bourbon during a Zoom meeting, the other folks will think you’re enjoying a hot cup of tea.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.
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  5 months ago

  View →: The most I’ve ever spent on a bottle of wine is about 45 minutes.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.
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  5 months ago

  View →: My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Today sucked so bad, I had to stop by the liquor store on my way to the bar.

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