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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Broke my work phone. I can’t talk on it anymore. I should have done this a long time ago.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

I’ve learned a lot over the years, but the best advice I can ever give someone is never buy a used harmonica.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have some new ideas.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Three words no parent ever wants to hear when dropping their kid at a play date: “Come on in.”

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Imagine you’re on jury duty and the courtroom sketch artist draws stink lines above you.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

There will always be miserable people inviting you to their misery.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick the one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Thought you guys should know this was only Monday. It’s also still Monday.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,506

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

Denying the existence of anyone that annoys me.

Just shared via Twitch:

I don’t assume anything except the fetal position.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Thinking of telling my extra weight that I love it so that it can leave me too.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I suppose someone has to do all the consuming and obeying.

Trending via Messenger:

The longer you go without something, the more comfortable you become without it. That goes for people, too.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Bro to bro: Never get your haircut on the day of a special event.

Spotted on WeChat:

I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

It’s weird how the UFO’s always seem to crash in places that only the government and military have access to.

Trending via Snapchat:

My savings account has been empty for so long that a Spirit Halloween just opened up inside it.

137 Funny finance quotes

Funny finance quotes 🤑💡 are the perfect remedy for lightening up the dense world of dollars and cents! Whether you’re a penny-pincher or a big spender, these witty one-liners will have you chuckling all the way to the bank 😂. From amusing takes on saving strategies to hilarious insights into market mayhem, these quotes are sure to bring a smile to your face and maybe even a little extra change in your pocket! 💰

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Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on Threads this month:

Whoever coined, “No good deed goes unpunished”, must have fed some seagulls.

91 shares on Twitch this month:

If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.

79 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

48 shares on TikTok this month:

Rule #1 for family reunions: Always bring your own car so you can take off whenever you want.

82 shares on YouTube this month:

If life has taught me one thing, it’s that I need more money.

93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

God bless the student essay that is so confused and rambling, there is zero chance that they used AI.

28 shares on Instagram this month:

America is truly the best country in the world at not learning from their mistakes.

14 shares on Facebook this month:

Channeling my inner pretzel to achieve expert-level bad posture.

50 shares on Telegram this month:

A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

51 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m exactly where I want to be. At home, avoiding people.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Apparently, responding to a wedding invitation with “maybe next time” is wrong. I know that now.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The shitshow must go on.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Your password must contain a character… with a tragic backstory.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Going to ragebait men by asking, “Do you ever wish you were tall?”

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My real introduction to classical music came from watching Tom & Jerry cartoons as a kid. Also how I got into sadism.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

“Stop overthinking.” Oh, wow. Hadn’t considered that. Solved.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I be like, “Awwwww cows,” and then go and eat two double cheeseburgers, lol.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If you see me in public, it’s AI.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia, you risk getting stoned.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,733

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

I’m sorry I mistook all our laughs, long nights, sweet texts, and inside jokes as you caring. I’ll think twice before wasting my time again.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Who called them sea lions and not soggy doggies?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating all the sweets myself.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Imagine if every time you ate a grape you’d hear a soft voice whisper “that was my son…”

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Coffee doesn’t even make me feel energized, I just drink it for the love of the game.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

I don’t know which is worse, people stealing your jokes or people not stealing your jokes.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Unfortunately, I do enjoy watching the downfall of people who did me wrong.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Stopping a complete stranger on the street and saying, “Let’s end this little charade.”

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Of course, I also put my mobile down from time to time. For example, when someone tries to call me.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I’m sorry I pretended I was dead when I saw you in public.

Spotted on Messenger:

The only thing worse than children talking about sex is adults talking about politics.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Never lie to Indian girls. That red dot be recording everything.

Going viral on WeChat:

I toss and turn in bed all night like a beautiful rotisserie chicken.

Trending via WeChat:

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

Going viral on Threads:

Hey Alexa… remind me why I walked into this room.

Seen just now on X:

Turning regret into ulcers since the day I was born.

Going viral on Messenger:

I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen what happens when they get elected.

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