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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

If anyone is still on Facebook, please check on my parents.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

How to write complaints: “Dear customer service, first of all, you should know that I am typing this with my middle finger.”

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

We should thank heaven for nipples. Without them boobs would be pointless.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Fleetwood Mac said that I could go my own way, your honor.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

As a woman, you need to forgive yourself for men you entertained when you had low self-esteem.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

I eat my first meal of the day in the afternoon, bro. Don’t ask me for advice.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Drinking coffee because throwing chairs at people is frowned upon.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

My dental hygienist is probably thinking, I bet i could braid this guys nose hair.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Imagine going to see a situationship in 1868, and you go outside, and your horse is dead as hell.

Trending via YouTube:

That masculine urge to completely avoid relationships until you get your life together.

Spotted on TikTok:

Don’t give up on your dreams. If cauliflower can be pizza and zucchini can be noodles, you too can be anything you want.

Just shared via Instagram:

Sorry I’m late. I was in the car waiting for my song to end.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

When the gun shoots your brain, that’s amore.

Breaking via YouTube:

In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries: it fills you up nicely but without the buzz…

Spotted on X:

Stop telling people to grow up. Have you seen adults?

403 Funny health quotes

More funny health quotes 👇

If you feel fat and sad just know it’s someone out there fatter than you.

2 weeks ago

body, body image, comedy, comparison, fat, fatter, feel, health, humor, image, just, know, mental, mental health, motivation, positivity, sad, self-esteem, someone
Mindfulness is out. We’re doing drugs again.

2 weeks ago

again, doing, drugs, health, humor, irony, mental, mental health, mindfulness, recreational, satire
Sometimes a girl has to delete all the apps on her phone and not speak to anyone for a week to find true happiness.

2 weeks ago

alone, alone time, anyone, apps, delete, detox, detoxification, digital, digital detox, digital detoxification, girl, happiness, health, isolation, mental, mental health, phone, self-care, solitude, sometimes, speak, time, true, week
Cannabis has many benefits. For example, it makes you retarded. But in addition, it also makes you lazy. No worries though, it also makes you fat and insane.

2 weeks ago

addiction, benefits, cannabis, example, fat, gain, health, health risk, humor, insane, insanity, laziness, lazy, mental, mental health, risk, satire, weight, weight gain
Isn’t it weird we have a little voice in our head, like the one you’re using to read this?

2 weeks ago

cognitive, funny thought, head, health, humor, inner, inner voice, introspection, little, mental, mental health, mind, quirky, read, self-awareness, thought, using, voice, weird
Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

2 weeks ago

body, body image, dieting, feels, fitness, good, health, humor, image, loss, motivation, nothing, self-esteem, skinny, weight, weight loss
Cholesterol has a special place in my heart.

2 weeks ago

cholesterol, food, health, heart, humor, irony, joke, love, place, special
Doomscrolling: because who doesn’t love anxiety as a hobby?

2 weeks ago

anxiety, doomscrolling, health, hobby, humor, internet, love, media, mental, mental health, social, social media
If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.

2 weeks ago

awkward, health, help, humor, jokes, mental, mental health, mental health humor, need, professional, professional help, thinking, thoughts
I’m so hungry, I could eat a full-time job with health insurance.

2 weeks ago

eat, eating, health, health insurance, humor, hunger, hungry, i, insurance, job, joke, salary, work, work humor, workplace

For even more funny health quotes, hit next 👇

All funny health quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on Slack this month:

Such is modern life. Mordor in our midst.

10 shares on Reddit this month:

Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever checked your bank account and had way more money than you expected.

84 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When you’re two beers in, and you realize she looks like God.

23 shares on Reddit this month:

I wanna marry someone funnier than me, but sadly, I am the funniest.

37 shares on TikTok this month:

Ludacris once said “If you ain’t got no money take yo’ broke ass home” and I haven’t left the house since.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?

63 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

32 shares on Reddit this month:

This simulation is no longer boring, since they replaced management.

27 shares on Messenger this month:

On my way to Mordor. You nerds need anything?

100 shares on Messenger this month:

If I text you at 8:10, you’re supposed to reply at 8:09.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

My son got braces today. Yay, he’s not going to be a teenage dad.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Just call me Mother Nature because I can go from hot to cold in a 24-hour period, too.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Fellas, be sure to never ask a lady any questions on a date. This makes them feel interrogated. Strong declarative statements only.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

The hottest part of sex is when I take off my glasses and put them in a safe place.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

My doubters will become my grouters when I remodel the bathroom of success.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Future generations will never have to live in unprecedented times, because we’re precedenting the Hell out of everything right now.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Did you get the telepathic message I sent earlier?

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

“Easy like Sunday morning” is something people with no kids say.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

Here I am, block me like a hurricane.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half sisters.

Spotted on Discord:

I asked my boyfriend if he believed in trolls and elves and he said, “slightly.”

Making waves on Twitch:

Therapy is nice but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

Making waves on Facebook:

Everyone’s a gangster until they turn a spoon the wrong way under running water.

Just shared via Twitch:

I mostly keep friendships going because they have my good Tupperware.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I went from dancing with myself in the 80s to talking to myself now.

Making waves on Twitch:

I went to a mind reader. She almost went mad.

Just shared via Twitch:

Switching between brainrot and deep intellectual talks is a skill that only a few acquire.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Grok, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Activity Log ✨

403 Funny health quotes

More funny health quotes 👇

All funny health quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨