The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

Commentary:
"Career advice: Work hard now, so LinkedIn can work harder for you later! 🚀💼 #LinkedInEscapePlan"

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

Commentary:
"Who knew cauliflower could be so controversial? 🤔🍪 Report them for crimes against cookies! 😂 #CauliflowerGate"

Getting paid to sleep would be such a dream job.

Getting paid to sleep would be such a dream job.

Commentary:
"Imagine getting paid to do what we do best during morning meetings 💤💸 Now that's the kind of job that literally puts the 'dream' in 'dream job'! 😂"

Work for a living? In this economy?

Work for a living? In this economy?

Commentary:
"Why work for a living when you can win the lottery and live your best life? 🤑💸 #Goals"

Does anyone know the password to my work computer? Or how to do my job?

Does anyone know the password to my work computer? Or how to do my job?

Commentary:
"Looks like someone's having a 'case of the Mondays'! 🤷‍♂️🖥️ Don't worry, I'm pretty sure the password is 'password123' and as for your job… just press random buttons and hope for the best! 😂 #MondayStruggles"

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

Commentary:
"May your love life be booming and your job secure in 2022! 🥂 Here's to a year of passion without pink slips! 🕺💼 #Priorities"

Friends with benefits but the benefits are you getting me an internship with your father's network.

Friends with benefits but the benefits are you getting me an internship with your father’s network.

Commentary:
"Who needs casual hookups when you can secure a job instead? 😂👔 Let's just hope this 'Friendship with Benefits' doesn't come with awkward performance reviews! 🤞💼 #NetworkingStrategy"

I had to quit my job because people kept falling in love with me there.

I had to quit my job because people kept falling in love with me there.

Commentary:
Looks like your workplace needed a "Caution: Falling in Love Zone" sign! 😂💔 Who knew your charm was a workplace hazard! #HeartbreakerOnDuty

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

Commentary:
"Looks like the turtles weren't fans of a 'shellac' treatment! 🐢💅 Maybe stick to your day job next time! 😂 #TurtleWaxingFail"

But if i put my laundry away, the laundry chair will be out of a job.

But if i put my laundry away, the laundry chair will be out of a job.

Commentary:
"Who knew that a chair could have a case of the Mondays 😆🪑 At least it's job security for the furniture! #LazyChair #LaundryLife"