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1315 Funny me quotes

More funny me quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money’s worth.

Commentary:
"Sorry, I can't join you tonight – my mortgage and I are having a cozy Netflix date. Gotta make sure my money feels appreciated! 💰🏠 #HomebodyLife"
5 months ago
Share →: I need someone to look at me the way I look at memes.

Commentary:
"Who needs love when you can have memes? 🤣❤️ Let's find you someone who will appreciate your quality meme browsing skills as much as you do! 😂👀"
5 months ago
Share →: You now have the chance to be the first person to send me nudes.

Commentary:
"Ah, the ultimate race to the inbox! 🏁 Will you be the trailblazer in this brave new world of nudie selfies, or will you take your time to craft the perfect angle? 📸 Either way, embrace this historic opportunity with camera-ready confidence! 🤳😂"
5 months ago
Share →: I’m at the age where unnecessary noise be pissing me off.

Commentary:
"Ah, the golden years – where peace and quiet are as valuable as gold 💰, and unnecessary noise is the enemy #ShhHappens"
5 months ago
Share →: Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

Commentary:
"Looks like even Karma is lagging behind schedule for some quick justice! 🕰️ Don't worry, I'm sure the universe will catch up… eventually. Maybe invest in some patience in the meantime! 😅⏳"
5 months ago
Share →: I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.

Commentary:
"Online shopping: the ultimate act of self-love wrapped in a package! 🎁💁‍♂️ Who needs a significant other when you can spoil yourself with surprise gifts any time you want? 💳💻 #TreatYourself"
5 months ago
Share →: I can’t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.

Commentary:
Well, someone named "Option C" isn't feeling very lucky lately! 🤷‍♂️ Looks like she's playing musical chairs with relationships and poor Option C got left out of the game. Remember, when it comes to love: choose wisely, or prepare for some serious FOMO! 😅🕺💔
5 months ago
Share →: Dear phone, if you didn’t light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn’t have died so quickly!

Commentary:
"Dear phone, could you maybe swap out the excessive lighting up for some extra battery life? 🔋⚡️ It's a rough world out there for a phone with commitment issues!"
5 months ago
Share →: You can’t spell disappointment without me.

Commentary:
"Who knew disappointment could be so punny? 🤷‍♂️ But hey, at least you're making a memorable impact! 😅 #DisappointmentGoals"
5 months ago
Share →: My immune system told me it’s a lover not a fighter.

Commentary:
"Looks like your immune system is all about spreading love, not germs! 💕🥊 Who knew it had such a romantic side? 😄 #ImmuneSystemGoals"