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56 Funny nobody quotes

Only mosquitoes find me attractive. Nobody else.

3 months ago

I never wanted to become one of those adults who just find the music of the younger generation annoying. Nobody could have guessed that the music was just annoying.

3 months ago

I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

3 months ago

Dance like nobody’s watching, except God, the NSA, and Santa Claus.

3 months ago

Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

3 months ago

Nobody will know you’re stoned if you’re always stoned.

3 months ago

I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.

3 months ago

Nobody has ever been more surprised than a husband hearing about his wife’s plans for the second time.

3 months ago

Nobody shoots annoying people into the sun anymore and that’s why there are so many of them left on earth.

3 months ago

Nobody plays better together than siblings being told it’s bedtime.

3 months ago

Ain’t no way there’s billions of us and nobody got superpowers.

3 months ago

Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

3 months ago

Keep your temper. Nobody else wants it.

3 months ago

Nobody stresses a woman out more than a man who isn’t her man yet.

3 months ago

“What’s something you’d tell your younger self?” You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you.

3 months ago

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

3 months ago