18 Funny retirement quotes

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  4 days ago

  Share →: I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

  Commentary:
  Driving slow in the fast lane: the real retirement perk 😂🚗💨🕖

• 

  5 days ago

  Share →: Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

  Commentary:
  Time to trade in my work shoes for orthopedic ones, but watch out—Monday still sneaks up like a ninja! 😂👟➡️🩼

• 

  1 week ago

  Share →: Welcome to your 50s… you can now fall asleep sitting up on the couch at any given moment.

  Commentary:
  Nap mode activated: unlocking the secret art of power napping! 😴🛋️✨

• 

  1 week ago

  Share →: To avoid burnout at work, use the 30-30 rule: after 30 minutes of work, quit your job and disappear into the mountains for 30 years.

  Commentary:
  "So if you need me, you know where to find me… Just kidding, I'll be the one brooding under a desk fort until 5 PM! ⛺️🏔️🤣"

• 

  2 weeks ago

  Share →: Who’s going to run in movies when Tom Cruise retires?

  Commentary:
  "Guess we'll have to rely on CGI for realistic running scenes after Cruise hangs up his sneakers! 🏃‍♂️💨🎬"

• 

  2 weeks ago

  Share →: When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

  Commentary:
  "When I retire, my biggest campaign promise is to never set an alarm clock again! 🕰️😴 #VoteForSleep"

• 

  1 month ago

  Share →: Welcome to your fifties. Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine, and chicken noodle soup.

  Commentary:
  "Saturday Night Fever's new remix: a dance between the couch, the tissue box, and a steamy bowl of soup! 🛋️🤧🍜✨"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a 401(k) when you've got a DeLorean 😎⏰ Blast from the past or leap into the future? The '80s are calling, and they want their parachute pants back! 🕺🕰️ #BackToTheFuture #RetirementGoals"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Never signed up for a 401k cause there’s no way in hell I can run that far.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a 401k when your retirement plan involves running like Forrest Gump? 🏃‍♂️💨 Clearly, this person prefers sprinting to saving for the long haul! 😂"

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

  Commentary:
  Absolutely! 🏴‍☠️ That's the spirit! Who needs boring old 401(k) plans when you can have a treasure map and a trusty shovel instead, right? 💰 Just make sure you have a backup plan in case you encounter more "X marks the spot" than actual booty! 😉 #RetirementGoals

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