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48 Funny self-improvement quotes

I’m not making any resolutions. I think it’s time for the years to be better, not me.

3 months ago

First rule for the new year is to not dwell on what went wrong this year.

3 months ago

My bad habits got renewed for another season.

3 months ago

Instead of working on making myself a better person, I am going to purchase a cool new jacket.

3 months ago

I’m waiting for the perfect moment to stop procrastinating.

3 months ago

Remember: if nobody hates you, you’re not trying hard enough.

3 months ago

I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.

3 months ago

Forget Botox. If you really want to look younger, get braces.

3 months ago

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my train wreck of a life.

3 months ago

I don’t need a New Year’s resolution, it’s the year’s turn to be better.

3 months ago

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

3 months ago

Somebody needs to get my shit together.

3 months ago

I’ve broken all my New Year’s Resolutions so now I’m moving on to laws of nature.

3 months ago

Before I work on myself, does anyone like me unhinged?

3 months ago

I don’t want to do exercise, but I want to have done exercise.

3 months ago

Bragging about how I’ve “really turned my life around recently” without mentioning in which direction.

3 months ago

I’m going to try and be less of a people pleaser, is everyone ok with that?

3 months ago

Stop hating yourself for everything. Be specific.

3 months ago

I like to push myself out of my comfort zone by sometimes sitting on the other end of my sofa.

3 months ago

I’m sorry that I’m canceling plans. I made them last week when I assumed that, by now, I’d be a different person.

3 months ago