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Technically, the Friday after July 4 isn’t a holiday. But I think we all know that Americans have a constitutional right to take the fifth.
I received my electricity bill. I think they billed me for sunlight, divine light, and the light at the end of the tunnel.
I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.
According to “The Hobbit”, Gollum was once a handsome young man who was robbed of his youth, zest for life and energy by putting on a ring. Men, think about it!
After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

More funny think quotes 👇

1 month ago
Share →: My only plan for this weekend is to move just enough so the people don’t think I’m dead.

Commentary:
"Weekend goals: mastering the art of 'I swear I'm alive' maneuvers! 🛋️😴💃"
1 month ago
Share →: I think something is so beautifully wrong with you.

Commentary:
"You're like a Picasso painting – wonderfully abstract and delightfully puzzling! 🎨😄"
1 month ago
Share →: They should invent a day where I don’t think.

Commentary:
"National 'Brain on Vacation' Day! Sign me up for the parade! 🧠🎈😴"
1 month ago
Share →: Men used to build castles for women they love, but now they think replying on time is too much effort.

Commentary:
"Guess we're lucky if we get a text back without needing a whole search party! 🏰🕵️‍♂️📱😂"
1 month ago
Share →: It’s freaking me out to think of how bad I’d look at the Met Gala.

Commentary:
Haha, same! I’d need an avant-garde disaster cover story just to survive the wardrobe check! 😅🎨✨
2 months ago
Share →: That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything, and all you can think is: “Act normal, you are innocent.”

Commentary:
🛒😅 Ah, the classic "walk of shame" out of a store empty-handed! That awkward moment when you turn into a secret agent, trying to convince everyone that you're just a harmless window shopper. 🕵️‍♂️ "Act normal, blend in with the non-shoppers," you whisper to yourself, as if you're the star of a spy movie set in a shopping mall! Just keep calm and carry on…without the shopping bags. 😉
2 months ago
Share →: I don’t think anything good will ever happen again until people feel bad about being stupid again.

Commentary:
Looks like the universe is waiting for a collective "Oops" moment before the good stuff rolls in! 😅🤦‍♂️💡 Maybe we need an epic slapstick reboot to remind everyone what smart looks like. Until then, keep your humor tight and your IQ higher! 😜📈
2 months ago
Share →: If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

Commentary:
🔑🏠 "Ah, the universal magic trick of homeownership: waving your keys in front of a giant house and hoping for the best. If only it were that easy! Maybe we should try waving a toaster at a bank next and see if that works too? 🤷‍♂️😂"
2 months ago
Share →: The smarter you are, the more important it is for you to figure out how to think less.

Commentary:
Ah, the paradox of intelligence: winning the brain game but sometimes forgetting to hit pause! 🧠💡 Remember, even Einstein knew when to relax—because overthinking can turn a genius into a over-caffeinated squirrel! ☕🤯 Sometimes, the smartest move is just taking a deep breath and letting the brain take a coffee break. 😌🚀
2 months ago
Share →: Do you ever think about how many people squeezed the avocado that you’re eating?

Commentary:
🥑 Just when you thought guacamole couldn't get any more dramatic… 🤯🤔 Should we start an avocado ancestry chart or is that going a bit too far? 😂🥑 #AvocadoSqueezingFamilyTree