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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I’ve decided that I really don’t want to do that any more.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Pro Tip: Never make snow angels in a dog park.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Many years ago, I stood up to 100-200 million others only to sit in meetings now.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

My soulmate probably seen my posts and deleted me.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

I can resist everything except temptation.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Panda bears are proof that it’s okay to be kind of an idiot as long as you’re super adorable.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

My Mom say that everyone has a beautiful side, so I guess I’m a circle.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Bird flu? Yeah, they’re known to do that.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,245

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

Time Magazine should have a Worst Person of the Year!

Freshly posted on Slack:

I want to sit and read, take a nap, and snack. Basically, I want to be in kindergarten.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Do cats have a sense of causation between grooming themselves and coughing up hairballs, or do they think it’s just an annoying separate thing which just happens to them sometimes?

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

Trending via Threads:

If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Just saw a bird run across the street if you were wondering if anyone else is wasting their gifts.

Shared recently on Discord:

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

Shared recently on X:

Unfortunately, forcing myself to take out the garbage, wash dishes, do a load of laundry, and vacuum has improved my mental health tenfold.

Trending via Discord:

I get sad whenever they’re mean to Zoidberg in Futurama.

Trending via Pinterest:

Everyone who got my kids board games for Christmas, when are you coming back to play with them?

28 Funny touch quotes

Funny touch quotes bring a hilarious twist to the simple act of a tap, poke, or hug! 🤪 Whether it’s a playful nudge or an awkward high five, these witty lines capture the joy and silliness of human connection. 🤝✨ Ready to giggle and share some lighthearted vibes? Dive into the world where touch meets humor – because laughter is the best contact! 😂👋

New funny touch quotes 👇

For even more funny touch quotes, hit next 👇

All funny touch quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids.

65 shares on Instagram this month:

The people who upload old movies to the internet are holding society together.

79 shares on YouTube this month:

I may be a chaotic mess, but then so is quantum physics.

58 shares on Pinterest this month:

I hate when people say “It could be worse” because it could be better, too.

78 shares on Slack this month:

Normalize mouthing the lyrics to the song in your headphones in public.

63 shares on Facebook this month:

Welcome to adulthood: 9pm is midnight now.

41 shares on YouTube this month:

A haunted house, but it’s just all apps and websites where you got logged out but can’t remember your password.

15 shares on Threads this month:

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

10 shares on Twitch this month:

Stop making Fast and Furious movies.

53 shares on Facebook this month:

I have a brain that wants to be alone, and a heart that wants to be loved.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

That awkward moment between birth and death.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Liberté. Egalité. Second Coffeé.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Friends with benefits but the benefits are you getting me an internship with your father’s network.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Women are able to leave the country unexpectedly at any time with the contents of their handbag.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I rock it as a parent, other times I drop my phone on my sleeping child while taking a picture of it. It’s called balance.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve found that the easiest way to do burpees is to just not do burpees. No pain, no pain.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I started at the bottom and worked my way down.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve got nothing against kids, I just don’t understand why you’d want indoor kids.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,646

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

You can’t get a good night’s sleep anymore because of woke.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Asking my landlord if he has any Cyber Monday deals.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

When you are in your 20s, there is going to be an urge to binge The Sopranos. it is very important that you press play.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

I be skipping everyone’s stories but watch mine like 20 times.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

No one declines an incoming call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Bitcoin is just Kohl’s Cash for boys.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

I bet being full feels so good for the moon.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Stop normalizing things, we’ll run out of the weird shit.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I love when my cat sighs at me, like what’s got you stressed out my little freeloading homicidal maniac!?

Going viral on Pinterest:

He died doing what he loved: trying to find out if gang members are ticklish.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I don’t know why hair extensions are exclusive to women, I want to look like a centaur.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Maturing is when you’d rather drink your bourbon half-naked on the couch than go out.

Spotted on Reddit:

“Get a life!” Have you seen some of the lives out there?

Just landed via Threads:

Never eat more than you can lift.

Just shared via YouTube:

I’ve spent years struggling to prove that the sunk-cost fallacy isn’t actually a fallacy. No sense in giving up now, though.

Seen just now on Discord:

I’ve never completed a marathon, but I’ve listened to my mom tell a story, so don’t talk to me about endurance.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Had a king sized bed all to myself last night. Must be what Rose felt like on that door.

Just shared via Threads:

I bring a very “are you going to eat your pickle” vibe to lunch meetings.

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