Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

If you’re offended by bacon, the United States of America isn’t for you.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

He doesn’t realize it yet, but this Saturday, I’ll be asking him to untangle 400 feet of Christmas lights.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

“This would be better if there was cake” really does ring true in any situation.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Nothing fixes your life the way deactivating Instagram does.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

You looked so beautiful and combative as we were detained for questioning.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

I wish anxiety came with french fries.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

At the doctor’s office, booing all the names being called that aren’t mine.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,909

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Do animals have celebrities? Like, do birds all recognize that one bird who sings really well?

Making waves on Facebook:

Sorry, I’m poor, I can’t afford to pay attention.

Trending via Instagram:

After ejaculation, men automatically realize that everything is vanity upon vanity.

Shared recently on X:

You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.

Trending via Instagram:

Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.

Spotted on Twitch:

One minute you’re young and fun, the next you’re excited about a new vacuum cleaner.

Just landed via Discord:

Shout out to all you people out there who get asked if you’re okay a lot even though that’s the only facial expression you have.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

When I say I’m Christmas shopping the “for myself” is silent.

Just landed via WeChat:

Starting is the hardest part. Unless it’s eating chocolate. Then stopping is the hardest part.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. How many minutes did you spend listening to your girlfriend this year?

More funny quotes 👇

As a kid, I didn’t understand the subtext of ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’ at all. I thought Mommy was cheating.

0

5 days ago

cheating, childhood, Christmas, claus, family, humor, i, kid, kissing, misunderstanding, mommy, Santa, Santa Claus, saw, song, thought, understand
Once your parents move from “What time are you coming back” to “Are you coming back today,” you have won the war.

0

5 days ago

back, coming, coming back, family, humor, move, once, parent, parents, relationship, time, today, war
The actors you see in movies are probably home by now.

0

5 days ago

actor, actors, home, humor, joke, movie
After a quick review of my finances, everyone is going to have to be happy with a forehead kiss for Christmas.

0

5 days ago

after, Christmas, everyone, finance, finances, forehead, forehead kiss, gift, going, happy, holiday, humor, kiss, money, quick, review
As funny as it sounds, the easiest way to get women is by having a girlfriend.

0

5 days ago

dating, Funny, girlfriend, having, humor, irony, relationship, sounds, woman, women
Being a little older, I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me every day. He’s from India, and he’s very concerned about my car warranty.

0

5 days ago

age, am, being, call, car, car warranty, check, check-up, day, every, humor, i, India, little, me, older, older age, phone, phone call, scam, scam call, someone, telemarketing, warranty
I don’t even want a new year this year. I’ll take a lightly used 2006, if it’s available.

0

5 days ago

2006, available, date, even, humor, i, new, new year, nostalgia, sarcasm, take, time, used, want, year
Three wise men? I highly doubt that.

0

5 days ago

doubt, humor, i, joke, man, men, sarcasm, skepticism, three, wise, Wise Man
“Some things are better left unsaid,” I think to myself immediately after I hit send.

0

5 days ago

after, better, communication, confession, hit, humor, i, left, media, message, mistake, myself, regret, self-talk, send, social, social media, texting, things, think, unsaid
Can the AI bubble just pop already? Everyone hates this crap.

0

5 days ago

AI, bubble, culture, everyone, frustration, hate, internet, internet culture, just, pop, sarcasm, technology, trend

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Instagram this month:

Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m still trying to dig myself out my ringtone debt from the late 90’s.

62 shares on X this month:

The tag on my jeans says “Relaxed” so it obviously doesn’t have children.

12 shares on Slack this month:

Even Hotmail is hotter than me.

95 shares on Discord this month:

First World War. Kind of nervous.

23 shares on Telegram this month:

For my birthday, I want everyone to delete whatever old version of me they have in their head— it expired.

42 shares on Instagram this month:

Sometimes you just need a Saturday to sleep all day and do absolutely nothing.

36 shares on Instagram this month:

Relationship status: he escaped.

70 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Few things in life are as disappointing as having to poop right after a shower.

58 shares on Discord this month:

Dating these days is like trusting a crackhead to come back with your change.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Whoever came up with a 30 minute lunch break needs a 30 minute beating.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Monday is already sending me threatening glances from across the room.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

My girlfriend? You wouldn’t know her, she’s in a different data center.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Life is short, flirt with me!

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Bag of salad is the boxed wine of vegetables.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

And to my grandchildren, I leave my unread PDFs.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Texting a man first feels like I’m on my hands and knees begging him to talk to me.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Discord:

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

Breaking via YouTube:

Men be like, “You’ve been different ever since I disrespected you.”

Seen just now on Twitch:

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

Trending via YouTube:

In medieval Europe, it was pretty easy to amass vast armies eager to go into battle and have their heads chopped off because no one wanted to be alive in medieval Europe.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting well wishes for Christmas.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Conflicts may arise but always remember to be the bitter person.

Just landed via Discord:

Shazam but for random noises outside.

Just landed via Messenger:

And is the financial stability in the room with us right now?

Broadcasted on Reddit:

If we ever make eye contact, just know I imagined way too much already.

Just landed via X:

I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

Activity Log ✨

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨