Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

“You look nervous” Thanks, I’ve been practicing my whole life.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

“Is everything okay?” Bro, nothing has been since I turned 12.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Divorce is so weird. Why do I have an ex-aunt?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Shouldn’t autocorrect be called autoassume?

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

I’m so broke, I owe myself money.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Bob Ross could paint a forest in 10 minutes. I’ve been ‘working on myself’ for years, and I’m still unfinished.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Even worse than the buzzing of the mosquitoes is the moment when it suddenly stops.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Best thing about staying in an Airbnb is trying to see what’s in that one locked closet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

Users Online

3,995

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Discord:

Male barista called me “my love” yesterday and didn’t say it today… getting mixed signals and feeling really upset.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Having a teenager is fun because the voice in my head that questions everything I do now has a friend.

Trending via Telegram:

What if your dog one day just randomly said “Nobody is going to believe you” and never spoke again.

Just landed via X:

I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

Going bananas on Slack:

I suck at flirting, I end up arguing with them instead.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries: it fills you up nicely but without the buzz…

Just landed via TikTok:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the first twelve digits of pi.

Live now on Pinterest:

My best three minutes of sleep are the ones right before the alarm goes off.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I’m nearly qualified to be a weaver. My final exam is looming.

More funny quotes 👇

My social circle is so small that when the phone rings, I know it’s scammers.

0

5 months ago

call, circle, humor, i, know, loneliness, phone, phone call, rings, scammer, small, small circle, social, social circle
Why is everyone mean to the kindest people for absolutely no reason?

0

5 months ago

absolutely, behavior, empathy, everyone, interaction, irony, kindest, kindness, kindness paradox, mean, meanness, paradox, people, reason, social, social interaction, why
Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.

0

5 months ago

activity, bird, birds, depression, feeding, good, health, hobby, mental, mental health, nature, outdoor, outdoor activity, porch, pretty, relaxation, sitting, squirrel, squirrels, treatment
“Where did all your money go?” I’m either wearing it or eating it.

0

5 months ago

budget, clothing, eating, finance, food, humor, lifestyle, money, spending, where
It’s too late. I sat down on the couch after work. Go on without me.

0

5 months ago

after, couch, humor, i, late, laziness, me, procrastination, relaxation, sat, tired, too, work
I’m not just a pretty face, I’m also a massive disappointment to my family.

0

5 months ago

disappointment, face, family, humor, irony, just, pretty, self-deprecating
I dream of disappearing into the woods with Wi-Fi.

0

5 months ago

disappearing, dream, escape, humor, i, nature, technology, Wi-Fi, wifi, woods
Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?

0

5 months ago

communication, guys, i, just, last, late, late reply, message, night, reply, restaurant, saw, socializing, sorry, still, text, text message
I’ve been saying for years that cigs are better for you than vapes, and the vindication I feel now is just orgasmic.

0

5 months ago

addiction, better, cigarette, feel, humor, i, just, sarcasm, saying, smoking, vape, vindication
I was explaining to my Ukrainian colleague the phrase ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch’. She told me the equivalent in Ukrainian is ‘The only free cheese is in the mousetrap’ — which is so much better.

0

5 months ago

better, cheese, colleague, cultural, cultural difference, difference, equivalent, explaining, explanation, free, free cheese, free lunch, humor, i, idiom, lunch, me, mousetrap, much, only, phrase, thing, told, Ukrainian

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on Discord this month:

I’ve been locked out of Tinder because of “unusual activity”. I must’ve got a match.

21 shares on Facebook this month:

I am like a wildflower, a quiet rebellion blooming through ruins and dust.

91 shares on Threads this month:

Once you realize that no one really cares how you’re doing, it becomes much easier to answer the question.

33 shares on Messenger this month:

When a girl says “5 mins,” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter, and both teams have all their timeouts.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

30 shares on YouTube this month:

“Dating pool” is incredibly optimistic. More like dating drainage.

61 shares on Discord this month:

I will never forget how to spell bananas, thanks to Gwen Stefani.

26 shares on Facebook this month:

I will charge a 25% tariff on my steely gaze.

43 shares on Threads this month:

I gave you a follow back, not a Tinder match, don’t “Hey, beautiful” me.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

Fun fact: If Celine Dion sang only the vowels in her name, it would be the lyrics to Old McDonalds Farm.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Don’t judge me on my likes, I’m confusing the algorithm.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

So many people to disappoint, so little time.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Does my career know that I’m pursuing it, or is it another one-sided relationship?

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Steve Jobs was a vibe coder. He just prompted Steve Wozniak.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

I like online shopping and putting everything I want in a cart, then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

I’m perfectly approachable as long as you’re carrying a plate of nachos.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

I hate checking my bank account after having a good time.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

I bet my soulmate is out there somewhere pretending everything is fine.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

A big part of aging is accumulating keys and not knowing what they’re for.

Making waves on Pinterest:

The main reason I got divorced was cause I got married.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Sorry I can’t carpool to work. That’s the time I use to angry scream.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.

Going viral on Reddit:

Growing up, I always knew I was gonna be the distant family member.

Activity Log ✨

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨