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10,000+ funny quotes

115 Funny awkward quotes

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

3 months ago

Farting, but with eye contact.

3 months ago

Hey man, your fly is down. Let me get that for you.

3 months ago

If you see me out in public but we haven’t talked since high school, let’s keep it that way.

3 months ago

A haunted house, but it’s just a room full of people asking you to tell them a fun fact about yourself.

3 months ago

Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

3 months ago

(Making small talk with a couple) So have you guys ever cheated on each other?

3 months ago

Someone at work just farted and I panicked and said ‘compliments to the chef’.

3 months ago

Deleted all dating apps, instead I’m just going to walk into a grocery store and look confused.

3 months ago

Relationship Status: just tried to pet my dog and he turned his head so I pretended I was reaching for a leaf that was next to him.

3 months ago

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

3 months ago

My yoga instructor was drunk today. Put me in a very awkward position.

3 months ago

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

3 months ago

Turning to the person next to me and saying “thanks for nothing” as I get off the train.

3 months ago

You never forget your first kiss. Or your first meeting with HR.

3 months ago

The guy in the stall beside doesn’t know he can shut off his camera shutter.

3 months ago

Meeting Beyoncé and telling her I loved her in Goldmember and mentioning nothing about her music career, just to see if it throws her off.

3 months ago

I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

3 months ago

If you stand too close to me in the check out line, you may as well pay for my stuff while you’re breathing down my neck.

3 months ago

Someone asked me if I had any hobbies and I panicked and said “lasagna”.

3 months ago