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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Are you http? Because I’m :// without you.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Welcome to Twitter, some random, judgmental stranger will be along shortly to complain about your tweets.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Once my school teacher lectured me for unacceptable behavior. That’s 30 mins of sleep I am never getting back

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

People shouldn’t be at the grocery store the same time as me. Get out of the way.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just need you to change the batteries in my smoke detectors.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

First responders? You mean reply guys?

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s, the best part of your day is now the heated seats in your car after a long day.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

My favorite part of fall is when the mosquitoes go back to hell.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,641

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Threads:

As a kid, I didn’t understand the subtext of ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’ at all. I thought Mommy was cheating.

Spotted on Messenger:

My unemployed neighbor with an unlimited firework budget would like to wish everyone a happy 9th of July.

Making waves on X:

I am re-watching “Narcos,” and I have to say that for someone who smokes so much weed, Pablo Escobar gets a lot done.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

Spotted on Pinterest:

All human behavior is performative, besides the crying of an infant.

Just landed via YouTube:

I’m perverted, but in an elegant and whimsical way.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I love that retail therapy works on me. I am so much happier and at peace when I’m buying things for myself.

Just shared via Reddit:

Ending my thesis paper with “but who cares what I think?”

Trending via Instagram:

Gravity called. It’s sick of holding me up.

Going viral on Discord:

When I say I’m Christmas shopping the “for myself” is silent.

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Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on YouTube this month:

I love my bodyguard. I would take a bullet for him.

47 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You don’t get to comment on the world until you’ve made your bed.

27 shares on WeChat this month:

The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

Becoming a psychic for the foreseeable future.

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

90 shares on Twitch this month:

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

75 shares on Twitch this month:

“What’s your music taste?” Don’t know, man. If it sounds good, I’m adding it to the playlist.

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The only exercise I done last month was running out of money.

76 shares on X this month:

You are not obligated to post a video of yourself dancing.

97 shares on Snapchat this month:

Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s a cougar warning in my neighborhood, but apparently it’s just a big cat. I bought a case of wine coolers for nothing.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Why would I work from home when I don’t even work from work?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Start every meeting with, “Let’s just agree to disagree.”

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I think adults need summer vacation. Like, let’s just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I’m so tired.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s the weekend, so naturally, I’m going to spend 48 hours doing nothing, and still be exhausted.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

You either get a kid who eats like a bottomless pit, or you get one that when asked what they want for lunch answers “No thanks, I had lunch yesterday.”

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

He died doing what he did best, trying to get a croc to wear a Croc.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,750

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Turns out, “unc” is short for unconstitutional.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Super excited about a brand new year full of questionable life choices.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

We used to have “spring, summer, fall, winter”. Today we have “drama, drama, drama, drama”.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Accept the truth that a clean kitchen and finished laundry are just myths. Embrace the chaos and find your inner calm.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Tornados are just a bunch of ghosts fighting over a cow.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Super excited about a brand new week of faking it.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Sorry if I seem sad, I got a new long-sleeve shirt for fall, but I haven’t been able to wear it yet because it’s 94°.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

“I’ve had cigarettes that were better than entire years of my life.”

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Appliances always know when you’re getting a tax refund.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Whenever you are feeling down, remember you’re the sperm that won.

Shared recently on Threads:

Some people are living bowel movement to bowel movement.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

Going viral on Twitch:

Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.

Trending via X:

Opened two gifts this morning, and they were my eyes.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Nostalgia is mostly dumb nonsense, but movie rental stores were legitimately better than streaming.

Shared recently on Facebook:

My bad habits got renewed for another season.

Just landed via Slack:

That’s me in the corner eating Nutella with a spoon.

Seen just now on X:

Accidentally blurted out “skip intro” when my mother-in-law wasn’t getting to the point.

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