Funny father quotes

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  1 week ago

  Share →: “Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

  Commentary:
  I always knew Dad's real talent was secretly saving internet bandwidth 🌐💸👏

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  1 week ago

  Share →: I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like your dad was the original HVAC influencer! 😂🌬️🤷‍♂️

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  2 weeks ago

  Share →: Absent father sucks, but have you met the final boss, the father who is actually in your life every day but emotionally unavailable, lol.

  Commentary:
  "When you finally defeat the mini-boss only to find out the final boss is immune to emotional vulnerability attacks 🤖💔😂"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

  Commentary:
  "Move over thunderstorms, this dad's sneezes are taking over 2022! 🌩️🤧 Wishing him the strength to achieve this earth-shattering resolution 😆💪 #SneezeGoals"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Friends with benefits but the benefits are you getting me an internship with your father’s network.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs casual hookups when you can secure a job instead? 😂👔 Let's just hope this 'Friendship with Benefits' doesn't come with awkward performance reviews! 🤞💼 #NetworkingStrategy"

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  6 months ago

  Share →: Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

  Commentary:
  Looks like the cat's out of the bag… and into the garden 🐱🌿! Good thing your father is fluent in meow-negotiation! 🗣️😸 #NeighborhoodDrama #GardeningSkills

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  6 months ago

  Share →: Just so you know, what you now call an energy bar is what my father gave the canary.

  Commentary:
  Oh, how times have changed! 🐦💪 Seems like those canaries were ahead of the health food trend back in the day! Next thing you know, they'll be serving avocado toast to the goldfish! 🥑🐠 #BackToTheGrains

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  6 months ago

  Share →: One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the magical art of utilizing your parental powers for ice cream acquisition 🍦😄 Dad level: expert! Who needs to sneak sweets when you've got mini accomplices ready to 'help' with the cravings? 😂 #DadLife #IceCreamGate"

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  6 months ago

  Share →: I am the proud father of two content providers. I mean children. Two children.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the joys of modern parenting! From content providers to children in the blink of an eye 👶📱 Who knew raising kids could be so tech-savvy? 😂 #ProudParentingMoment"

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  6 months ago

  Share →: You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the classic shoe print on the ceiling dilemma, a rite of passage for all fathers of teen boys! 👟🚀 It's the ultimate test of parental composure – when you see a shoe print soaring above you and simply think, "Ah, just another day in the life of raising teens." 😂🕺 #TeenBoyLife #GravityDefyingFootwear

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