13 Funny father quotes

• My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time.

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  2 days ago

  child, equivalent, family, father, humor, joke, kid, kids, parenting, sibling, time, want, zero

• If alcohol was the one that was banned instead of weed, then a lot of people would have had memories of hungry, stoned fathers instead of angry, drunk ones.

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  4 weeks ago

  alcohol, anger, angry, ban, drunk, father, hunger, hungry, lot, memory, ones, people, stoned, weed

• I think fathers lose their mind a little bit when they realize their daughters aren’t as forgiving as their wives.

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  4 weeks ago

  bit, daughter, family, father, forgiveness, humor, i, little, lose, mind, realize, relationship, think, wife

• “Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

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  1 month ago

  comedy, end, family, father, home, humor, important, meeting, meetings, mom, money, nothing, online, online meeting, parenting, rich, said, technology, thanks, wealth, work, work from home, Zoom

• I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

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  1 month ago

  airflow, childhood, conversation, dad, family, father, home, humor, i, miss, opening, talking, ventilation, Windows

• Absent father sucks, but have you met the final boss, the father who is actually in your life every day but emotionally unavailable, lol.

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  1 month ago

  absent, absent father, actually, boss, daily, daily presence, day, distance, dynamics, emotional, emotional distance, emotional unavailability, emotionally, every, family, family dynamics, father, father figure, figure, final, humor, life, lol, met, parent-child, parent-child relationship, presence, relationship, sucks, unavailability, unavailable

• As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

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  1 month ago

  40s, age, even, family, father, humor, husband, loud, new, New Year’s resolution, proud, resolution, sneeze, year, year’s

• Friends with benefits but the benefits are you getting me an internship with your father’s network.

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  1 month ago

  benefits, connection, father, friends, getting, humor, internship, job, me, network, opportunity, relationship

• Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

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  1 month ago

  always, cat, complaint, conversation, father, garden, humor, neighbor, okay, running, tell

• Just so you know, what you now call an energy bar is what my father gave the canary.

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  1 month ago

  bar, call, canary, energy, energy bar, father, food, humor, joke, just, know, pet, snack

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