I’m having a bad day. Please send super-cute pics of your credit cards to cheer me up. Posted on2 days ago2 days ago
I’m starting to think that the secret to having a happy life is avoiding people. Posted on2 days ago2 days ago
IKEA products should be cheaper, I’m doing all the work here. It’s like ordering takeout food and still having to cook it when it arrives. Posted on2 days ago2 days ago
The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn. Posted on2 days ago2 days ago
My body is in shock this morning from having to wake up early and wear hard pants. Posted on2 days ago2 days ago
What’s the point of having sex dreams if you always wake up just when it’s getting down to business? Posted on6 days ago
Whoever said having a crush is when you feel the most like Carrie Bradshaw was so real for that. Posted on6 days ago
A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes. Posted on6 days ago
This year has been the perfect blend between me losing my mind and having the time of my life. Posted on6 days ago
You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house. Posted on6 days ago
Having a nicotine addiction is basically just adding a new base layer to Maslow’s hierarchy for no reason. Posted on6 days ago
Having a cat is like having a roommate that doesn’t want to hang out and never intends on being friends. Posted on7 days ago
Hangman is so great. No better way for a child to learn how to spell than by having to save a man from hanging to death. Posted on7 days ago
Having a peanut allergy has to be so wild. Like, imagine you’re at a baseball game and there are people chucking bags of rattlesnakes past your head. Posted on7 days ago
Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom. Posted on1 week ago
The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with. Posted on1 week ago
I hate having a ton of anxiety and no energy. It’s like having a tank full of gas and no engine. Posted on1 week ago
They should make a drug that recreates the feeling of having your number called earlier than expected. Posted on1 week ago
After having a week off, my boss returns to work today. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time. Posted on1 week ago
A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet. Posted on1 week ago
Two bros having a conversation in the 1700s like “omg, we should totally start a pamphlet” Posted on1 week ago
Having to pee when you’re driving is problematic. Having to sneeze when you’re driving is even more problematic. Posted on1 week ago
Having now listened to the entire song, I have to say there’s some obvious internal disagreement as to what the Hokey Pokey is all about. Posted on1 week ago
Having a daughter is like having a little broke best friend who thinks you’re rich. Posted on1 week ago
My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they’re having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that. Posted on1 week ago
I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up. Posted on1 week ago