55 Funny help quotes

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  3 weeks ago

  View →: At the gym and I forgot my headphones and now I have to listen to my own thoughts. Send help.
• 

  1 month ago

  View →: If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.
• 

  2 months ago

  View →: Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.
• 

  2 months ago

  View →: It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.
• 

  3 months ago

  View →: You can either have a nice evening or you can help your child with their math homework. You can’t have both.
• 

  3 months ago

  View →: Please help my husband and I decide on dinner. We’ve narrowed it down to “It doesn’t matter” and “It’s your turn to choose”.
• 

  3 months ago

  View →: “I’m just playing devil’s advocate here.” Ok, why are you helping the devil?
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: We should all go into advertising and fix what’s going on with commercials. They need our help.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: untitled post 129420
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  4 months ago

  View →: Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: “Help us improve Instagram!” Nice try, fix your own damn website.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: If you relate to me, get some help!
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Country music is for men who need a little help crying.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Apparently, throwing the remote against the wall didn’t help recharging the batteries.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Your pronouns should be get/help.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Liquor store clerk: “Do you need help?” Me: “Yes, but I decided to come here instead.”
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Rudolph, with your nose so bright, help me find my phone tonight.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: If you need time alone, just announce that you need help cleaning the cats litter box.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: My wife just admitted a mistake. What do I have to do now? What does this mean for my future? Help me!
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: The problem with parental controls is I need my kid to help me figure out how to set them up.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: I hope none of the people I vowed to “help hide a body” ever actually need my help.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: On the upside, my kids are helping with the dishes. On the downside, my kids are helping with the dishes.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: “I’m sure it’ll turn up” – Translation: I’m bored of helping you look.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Me, adding fuel to the fire: I’m just here to help.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Can someone please help me, I’m still at the Fyre Festival.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.

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