Funny quotes help

53 Funny help quotes

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

2 weeks ago

It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

3 weeks ago

You can either have a nice evening or you can help your child with their math homework. You can’t have both.

1 month ago

Please help my husband and I decide on dinner. We’ve narrowed it down to “It doesn’t matter” and “It’s your turn to choose”.

1 month ago

“I’m just playing devil’s advocate here.” Ok, why are you helping the devil?

1 month ago

We should all go into advertising and fix what’s going on with commercials. They need our help.

2 months ago

3 months ago

Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?

3 months ago

“Help us improve Instagram!” Nice try, fix your own damn website.

3 months ago

If you relate to me, get some help!

3 months ago

Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.

3 months ago

Country music is for men who need a little help crying.

3 months ago

Apparently, throwing the remote against the wall didn’t help recharging the batteries.

3 months ago

Your pronouns should be get/help.

3 months ago

Liquor store clerk: “Do you need help?” Me: “Yes, but I decided to come here instead.”

3 months ago

Rudolph, with your nose so bright, help me find my phone tonight.

3 months ago

If you need time alone, just announce that you need help cleaning the cats litter box.

3 months ago

My wife just admitted a mistake. What do I have to do now? What does this mean for my future? Help me!

3 months ago

The problem with parental controls is I need my kid to help me figure out how to set them up.

3 months ago

I hope none of the people I vowed to “help hide a body” ever actually need my help.

3 months ago

LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.

3 months ago

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

3 months ago

On the upside, my kids are helping with the dishes. On the downside, my kids are helping with the dishes.

3 months ago

“I’m sure it’ll turn up” – Translation: I’m bored of helping you look.

3 months ago

Me, adding fuel to the fire: I’m just here to help.

3 months ago

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

3 months ago

Can someone please help me, I’m still at the Fyre Festival.

3 months ago

Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.

3 months ago

The quickest way to get your kid to do their homework is to ask them to help with some chores.

3 months ago

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

3 months ago