Funny quotes help

52 Funny help quotes

It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

Funny Quotes Apr 1, 2025

You can either have a nice evening or you can help your child with their math homework. You can’t have both.

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

Please help my husband and I decide on dinner. We’ve narrowed it down to “It doesn’t matter” and “It’s your turn to choose”.

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

“I’m just playing devil’s advocate here.” Ok, why are you helping the devil?

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

We should all go into advertising and fix what’s going on with commercials. They need our help.

Funny Quotes Feb 10, 2025

Funny Quotes Feb 3, 2025

Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?

Funny Quotes Feb 2, 2025

“Help us improve Instagram!” Nice try, fix your own damn website.

Funny Quotes Jan 29, 2025

If you relate to me, get some help!

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

Country music is for men who need a little help crying.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

Apparently, throwing the remote against the wall didn’t help recharging the batteries.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

Your pronouns should be get/help.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

Liquor store clerk: “Do you need help?” Me: “Yes, but I decided to come here instead.”

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

Rudolph, with your nose so bright, help me find my phone tonight.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

If you need time alone, just announce that you need help cleaning the cats litter box.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

My wife just admitted a mistake. What do I have to do now? What does this mean for my future? Help me!

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

The problem with parental controls is I need my kid to help me figure out how to set them up.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

I hope none of the people I vowed to “help hide a body” ever actually need my help.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

On the upside, my kids are helping with the dishes. On the downside, my kids are helping with the dishes.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

“I’m sure it’ll turn up” – Translation: I’m bored of helping you look.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

Me, adding fuel to the fire: I’m just here to help.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

Funny Quotes Jan 25, 2025